American Horror Story Season 6

I, for one, am super excited about tonight's premiere of American Horror Story season 6. I'm so excited that I don't care if you're excited or not, I'm going to blog about it anyway. I mean I do that every week but this week it's spooooooooky. Normally the theme for the season is revealed months in advance and we all die of anticipation until the new season begins. For season 6, FX has released limited trailers that only hint at the theme. So the entire fandom has no idea what the newest season will be about. Here are my guesses.

AHS: Election 2016. Make America Afraid Again.
with Leslie Jordan as Hillary Clinton
What...a nightmare. Just when you thought our future couldn't get any scarier, a pneumonia outbreak changes the game and a mysterious new candidate named Ben Ghazi takes the stage. Narrated by Joe Biden, this season will feature the fear that only comes once every 4 years. Election day.

AHS: There's a Roach in My Room
with Cheyenne Jackson as The Ex-terminator
There's a cockroach in your room and the only exterminator available is literally your ex(-terminator). What do you do? Combat the roach alone? Cave and call your former flame? Burn the house to the ground? Resign to death? This season reveals the outcome of each of those options in an homage to Run Lola Run.

AHS: No Wifi
with Sarah Paulson as your Mom who doesn't get what the big deal is
In 2016 can you imagine anything scarier than not having wifi? I can't. Except MAYBE a Grease 3. On AHS: No Wifi, angry mom Joan Crawford forces her children to do all sorts of unspeakable chores every time they accidentally claim to be bored. Yard work. Dusting. Even...bed making. It's senseless torture, you're just going to mess the sheets up later that night. But Mama Crawford don't care.

AHS: Killer Rabbits
with Finn Wittrock as Little Bunny Foo Foo
There is nothing more horrifying than people dressed as rabbits. If you get your child's picture taken with the Easter bunny you're a monster. If the thought of Little Bunny Foo Foo scooping up those innocent meecy mice and boppin' 'em on the head doesn't terrify you then you are probably a well-adjusted adult with no lingering pet issues. In this season the scariest bunnies of all time reprise their roles. Foo Foo is joined by Donnie Darko's pal Frank, Kevin Hart as Snowball and the entire cast of Watership Down.

AHS: Courage the Cowardly Dog
with Matt Bomer voicing Courage
That show is probably scarier than The Shining, The Exorcist, Psycho and Stephen King's middle school diary put together. And it was shown to children! I STILL can't eat eggplants! (I mean I didn't exactly eat them before but after, not a chance.) This continuation will show the devastating effects of humans ignoring Courage's warnings for years. Katz, Cajun Fox, that alien chicken, the duckling...I'm starting to understand my aforementioned lingering pet issues.

AHS: Insane Clown Posse
with Kathy Bates as Violent J
I know that we already had a killer clown in season 4, AHS: Freak Show, but his character arc is so sympathetic and It is being remade and there are scary clown sightings in North Carolina so why not? On AHS: Insane Clown Posse the Juggalos and Juggalettes and Juggakids and Juggapets use sinister tricks to get ahead in the wrestling industry. You can't spell Insane Clown Posse without insane.

AHS: Accidentally Liking Your Ex's Old Instagram Photo
with Angela Basset as Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
What could be scarier than that? And unlike moving into a haunted house, getting sent to an insane asylum, practicing witchcraft, joining the circus or becoming a vampire, this is something that could happen to any of us at any time. There are hundreds of victims every day. In this technologically terrifying season, Angela Basset's thumb is in the wrong place at the wrong time. Before she can unlike the post, Instagram crashes. In her post-double tap hysteria she gets a snapchat from her ex, but only the notification. This season follows her as she waits for the snapchat to load for an impossibly long 13 minutes.


I also wanted to let you all know that my brother released an album on iTunes yesterday (The CPD Project by Wurdship). Being the amazing older sister that I am, I am giving him a shout out even though he didn't even mention this blog in his album. At least I don't think he did...I haven't listened to it yet.