(Inter)Views From the 6

I don't have a ton of what adults would call "real world experience" but if there's two things I know, one of them is frozen yogurt toppings. Unfortunately, this blog post is about the other thing I know, and that's interviews.

I have been interviewed around 10 times but I have interviewed other people somewhere in the ballpark of 100 times. I've even interviewed someone in a ballpark! (That's a lie.) Since I identify primarily as an interviewer and not an interviewee, I am in a wonderful position to give advice on how you should answer the 6 most popular interview questions of 2016 as voted on by me.

Here are the questions I would be asking if I were interviewing literally anyone for any reason.

Are you a Kim or a Taylor? Explain.
You can honestly answer this question either way as long as your reasoning is sound.
Kim-My likes include being the center of attention, clapping back, selfies and wearing false lashes to the gas station. (SAME.)
Taylor-I like to be surrounded by an insanely large girl squad at all times and I write songs about everything that happens to me. (SAME.)

What are your weaknesses on social media?
Bad grammar? Excessive hashtags? Long captions? Overly frequent posts? As your potential employer these are things I need to know. If you have to check Instagram every 15 minutes, on the minute, that's fine. But if you feel the need to participate in #MCM or #WCW every week, we will have a problem. 

Why did your last relationship end?
Cheating? Addiction? Celebrity crushes? I gotta know. This is less about the job and more about me needing blog material. I would write about my own relationship failures but my biggest failure is that there is never a relationship to speak of.

Describe yourself in 3 memes.
Acceptable answers:
Harambe-Roses are red, I'm kind of blue because there's one less gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo.
Pizza Rat-Aren't we all pizza rat? I know I am.
Crazy Girlfriend-See above.

Unacceptable answers:
Dat Boi-It just creeps me out. The frog skin looks so waxy and frogs are disturbing. They're so fat but surprisingly agile. It's not fair.
Left Shark-I never got what was so impressive about left shark. Is he like the cultural icon of left-handed people? Because they already have Joan of Arc, Judy Garland, Jimi Hendrix AND Julia Roberts. I'm sensing a correlation between southpaws and J names.
The Most Interesting Man Alive-Everyone thinks they're the most interesting man alive. Only Cam Newton is ACTUALLY the most interesting man alive. Until you promote dental hygiene to hundreds of impressionable young fans, you can't answer with this. 

Where do you see Justin Bieber in 10 years? 
I want to know your vision for future of Canada's most questionable expat. Do you see the Biebs bankrupt? Married to Selena? Rejoining Instagram? If you answered married to Selena, please excuse yourself from the interview. Selena is a QUEEN and she deserves better.

If you could only use one Instagram filter for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
Acceptable answers: no filter, Clarendon, Moon, Lark, Juno, Crema, Amaro, Mayfair, Rise, Hudson, Valencia, X-Pro II, Lo-Fi, Inkwell, Hefe, Nashville
Unacceptable answers: Gingham, Reyes, Slumber, Ludwig, Aden, Perpetua, Sierra, Willow
Clarendon is pretty much my life because it's the first filter and I don't actually care enough to go through all the options anymore. I've really matured. I don't trust people who use Reyes or Sierra. That's gonna be a deal breaker for me.