Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Sharknado Sequels

Sharknado 5:  Jacksonado
Set in the past, during the peak of the Jackson 5's popularity, this sharknado rips through a particularly brilliant performance of I Want You Back. The Jackson brothers are sucked up and twirling in the sky with sharks as their father races to save his money, I mean sons.
Cameos: Janet Jackson, Tito Jackson, La Toya Jackson, chainsaw

Sharknado 6: Sharknado Alley
Sharknados tear through the midwest in this action-packed sequel. When FEMA is incompetent as usual, professional athletes are called in to save the day and potentially do something worthwhile to earn their nine-figure salaries. Will they come in clutch or choke?
Cameos: Jamaal Charles, Dirk Nowitzki, Russell Westbrook, chainsaw

Sharknado 7: 7 Deadly Fins
When an unexpected sharknado hits Proverbia, Illinois, the government evacuates the local psychiatric institution to give the patients a chance at survival. Reuniting with the general population for the first time in decades, the liberated patients have to battle their reputations as well as each other. And also sharks.
Cameos: Abraham Lincoln (impersonator), Barack Obama (real deal), chainsaw

Sharknado 8: That Figures
The sharknado is back and this time it's circling the same part of the Pacific Northwest in a figure 8 pattern during music festival season. As the tiger shark twisters interrupt Fest by Northwest, the bands sacrifice their amps, but never their Starbucks, in an attempt to blow these bullies out of the sky.
Cameos: Death Cab for Cutie, Modest Mouse, Sir Mix-a-Lot, chainsaw

Sharknado 9: Sharks Have 9 Lives
In this continuation every shark must be impaled no fewer than 9 times to be killed when a sharknado hits Hollywood. Celebs must form squads of 9 to make it out alive and the claws will come out as they fight over mutual friends.
Cameos: Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Kim Kardashian, chainsaw

Sharknado 10: The Only 10 I See
A sharknado rips through a Tennessee beauty pageant, picking up all the hairspray, acrylic nails, fake lashes, wigs and eyeliner in its path. Spray tans will run. And so will you.
Cameos: Olivia Culpo, Donald Trump, Miss Teen South Carolina 2007*, chainsaw
*Y'all thought 2007 was a rough year for Britney? South Carolina had it way worse.


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