Love It or List It

If you've spent a lot of time in the waiting room of my dentist's office like I have (see root canals 1 & 2) then you've probably seen at least a few episodes of HGTV's hit Love It or List It, the show where homeowners have big budgets and even bigger must-have lists. Season 12 is almost all in Raleigh/Durham and I am really wondering why no one has made a series called The Best Nest where single men buy or renovate properties as a mating display and then eligible bachelorettes such as myself can come to the open house slash speed dating event. But since no one ever listens to me, instead of looking at paint samples for my Barbie Dreamhouse, I spent last weekend searching for a new apartment in Apex.

Here's what it would take for us to LOVE IT:

• a miracle

Here's what it would take for us to LIST IT:

• cheap
• close to work
• bathtubs
• ice machine 

So my roommate and I headed out to view rental properties after I lost a battle with Alka-Seltzer and threw up approximately 7 times.

We had to pick outfits that said "responsible job holders seek modest abode and will always pay rent on time" without saying "possess disposable income and can afford to pay for garden tubs."

I told Emily "I'm wearing my college class ring because it says 'mama didn't raise no fool'" to which she replied "I'm not wearing mine, my mom won't let me keep it because she's afraid I will lose it since I already lost it once."

We decided to keep that information to ourselves.

After viewing the first place we headed back to the office to get our IDs and I noticed a beautiful display of what appeared to be salted caramel chocolate chip cookies - one of my many gluten-related weaknesses. I very timidly asked the office manager "Are those real cookies?" and when she confirmed that they were real cookies and not just plastic like the fake fruit some properties use to stage rooms, I had to indulge to make sure she wasn't a liar. It was pretty delicious and I am somewhat of a cookie connoisseur so that is high praise.

At the second place we quickly learned that our price range was much less flexible than we had originally thought. At the third place we learned that nice bathtubs cost a lot of money and that being right next to a Walmart is actually not that appealing when you're so poor you walk past gumball machines with longing. Having groceries, entertainment and beauty products just a quick walk away would be too tempting. Although I CAN afford to bet money that we would have never actually walked.

With our decision all but made, we sat in the parking lot and used Google Maps to make sure we were within close proximity to all of our favorite haunts. Walmart, Bojangles', Arby's, therapy, Zaxby's, Chick-fil-A, Michaels. Check, check, check, check, check, check and check.

So we went back in to look at the apartment one last time just to be sure. I helped myself to a fresh cookie and a fresh address.