Recently my friend Chelsea told me about an article she read that was like a road map for first dates. It specified 5 unique types of first dates that studies show lead to lasting love. I was super interested because A) it seemed like a modern day love potion and B) I'm dying to know what a "date" is. So I scoured the internet looking for the article. All of my exes can tell you that I am amazing at online stalking but I could not find a trace of this article anywhere. Chelsea, I'm not calling you a liar, but I ain't calling you a truther.
So instead of doing some serious research and going on these so-called "dates" and reporting back, I'm doing what any self-respecting reporter would do. Making it all up. I took what I remembered from our conversation and filled in the gaps. I was able to recall the basic premises of the dates and most of the order. I think. I improvised the rest. Enjoy.
Date 1: Simple
I definitely remember that the very 1st date was supposed to be a super basic, get to know each other type thing. Make small talk. Weed out the serial killers. You know. So here are my suggestions:
- Watch paint dry together.
- Go to a golf...I wanna say match? Game? Event?
- Read Heart of Darkness together. Snoozefest.
Date 2: Adaptability
Date 2 I believe was doing something new together. You''ll have to forgive me, I've never actually made it to the 2nd date phase. Since I can't seem to get past level 1 I kind of tuned out when Chelsea started talking about this.
- Have you ever changed a car's oil? Nope? Do it together!
- Conquer a hidden fear with immersion therapy.
- Try strange foods together. Maybe cabbage. Or asparagus.
Date 3: Creativity
Another date was supposed to be a chance to be creative. For someone who spends as much time (and money) in Michael's as I do it's surprising that I never make it to the date 3 round.
- Let the person you've been on 3 dates with pick a surprise tattoo for you.
- Try graffiti. Put the awww in vandawwwlism.
- Spoken word. Karaoke. Slam poetry.
Date 4: Collaboration
One of the dates for sure involved working together so you can accomplish a goal as partners. Teamwork probably releases some chemical in the brain that makes women happy and men bossy.
- Is the Amazing Race still on? Or Fear Factor maybe.
- Break a world record together. Might I suggest most insects eaten or most nasal piercings?
- Swap kidneys. Why not?
Date 5: Vulnerability
The final date was something that is out of your comfort zone...something that shows your vulnerable side. Here's some ideas:
- Colonoscopies for 2.
- Swap middle school yearbooks.
- Couples therapy.
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