Is Time Up?

Believe it (people who knew me during & post-college) or not (people who knew me in high school), I don't consider myself a feminist. Or at least, I didn't. What I do consider myself to be is a decent human being. Believing in the equality of men and women shouldn't need a label. But if we must label it, then count me in. Not due to an us vs. them mentality but because shared experiences forge strong bonds and marginalized members of society deserve to be part of the conversation surrounding their histories.

At first I didn’t want to post this because I read several other articles that I felt perfectly encapsulated what I was feeling in far better words than I could ever find. But then I realized that by not sharing it I would be perpetuating the problem. The problem of thinking there’s only room for one narrative.

So I'm not writing this attempting to speak for all women. That's neither my job nor my place. I'm just adding some of my thoughts to the growing conversation surrounding the Time's Up movement.

Recently, Aziz Ansari joined the growing list of men in Hollywood accused of sexual misconduct. And there are several articles on the internet that aim to exculpate or vilify him based on his actions...but maybe that's missing the point.

Stay with me here - maybe the article published on Babe wasn't about Aziz or even about Grace. Maybe it's about the idea that our society has some competing viewpoints about what constitutes consent and that's a dialogue worth starting.

I've sensed some frustration with the Time's Up movement and the new allegations that seem to pop up every day. It appears that some Americans are reacting with disbelief since it seems like so many women have dealt with these same issues while the victims who are finally being listened to are thinking "yes...that's actually the problem here."

So many issues live on a spectrum rather than sides and it’s not my right to determine where those points lie. I'm afraid that many of us are reading these articles and labeling them as on the spectrum or off the spectrum and moving on. That it's becoming an issue of he said, she said rather than every new allegation being considered individually as a separate incident deserving of independent consideration. Consideration outside of a dialogue that compares it to instances of better and worse, thereby discounting a victim's experience. This movement isn't about forcing everyone's stories into some mold created to garner public sympathy. It's about standing together in spite of varying stories and circumstances that are all worth sharing. And being heard is the first step to being believed.

So the fact that there are guys out there who are anxious thinking that they might be next in what they view as a witch hunt doesn't keep me awake at night. How do you imagine women feel knowing we live in a world where many of our families, friends and co-workers value their own reputations and wants over our free will and truths?

As for the people who are swearing off Master of None and burning their "Treat Yo Self" t shirts...I think that we’re having a problem in the social justice arena of condemning alleged perpetrators along with their actions. Is that throwing the baby out with the bathwater? Imagine all the sympathetic character archetypes out there. Professor Snape. Twisty the Clown. Maleficent. Sharpay Evans. Human beings (and even "wicked" Disney fairies) aren’t a dichotomy of good and evil. These forces aren’t mutually exclusive.

So can people make mistakes without negating all of their positive contributions to society? Can you listen to Chris Brown and still be a feminist? Can you think Ben Affleck is the best Batman and still be a social justice warrior? That's up to you to decide. Although I wouldn't recommend a career as a movie critic. I'm not asking you to forgive and certainly not suggesting you forget. Just offering another viewpoint so that we all remember to use our voices.