Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Adult Homework

My therapist gave me some homework.

She wants me to make a list of things I like about myself...ummmm pass. Am I not paying you to teach me how to like myself? I thought that's what this was.

When she first gave me that “you accept the love you think you deserve” crap I was like okay, someone’s phoning it in. I could have really saved some money and just bought a bag of fortune cookies.

But since I recently celebrated a big birthday...I decided to actually do the homework after I modified the assignment for myself. Instead of making a list of things I like about myself (barf) I am making a list of 25 things that make me happy.


1. My eyebrows. They are not twins, but they are sisters. Some days they seem more like step sisters but I do love my eyebrows for the most part. As do the men of online dating apparently.

2. I love beach. All I need is a good chair and a book. The book doesn’t even have to be good it just has to have words. And not be Heart of Darkness. I am high maintenance in many ways, but if you just drop me on a beach I can chill for 2, 3 hours with no one talking to me. A record!

3. I normally don't try foods that by definition involve a souring process, but I have recently discovered how wonderful fried cheese curds are. And right when I develop a taste for them, Red Robin has to go and eliminate them from the menu. And then the waitress had the nerve to try and distract me with dessert options, not now woman we have bigger cheese to fry!

4. I really appreciate how decent I am at photoshop. And how far I am willing to go to make a joke. See below.

5. Stretchy pants bring a great deal a joy to my life. Really any pair of pants that doesn't have the effect of too loose when I'm standing up but sausage casings when I'm sitting down.

6. I love a good deal. Can't say no to a BOGO or a coupon of any fashion. Products I didn't even want I suddenly need when they are 50% off and I will show them off proudly. "Can you believe I only paid $30 for this candle? It was clearance!"

7. Books make me happy even if I'm not at the beach. I love nothing more than a cheesy young adult novel where you find yourself missing the characters in between reading sessions and you feel like you've lost your best friend when you finish the book.

8. Portrait mode makes me happy. I initially thought that mine was a face that needed less definition, but portrait mode is kind of like the ultimate filter that you don't have to feel guilty about using for all of your online dating profile pics.

9. Practical Magic. I love that movie. Alice Hoffman is a queen. What's better than two sisters, who happen to be witches, killing an abusive jerk and getting away with it? All while finding love and family.

10. Buzzfeed makes me immensely happy. It is probably a little sad how much I rely on Buzzfeed for my news. If it didn't happen to Beyonce...it didn't happen.

11. I love finding a good, black __________. Shirt, dress, pants, shoes, shorts, whatever. Wearing black makes me happy and it makes me me.

12. It makes me happy when I can successfully rationalize, which isn't very often. But right now, I'm not having a quarter life crisis because there is no scenario in which I could reasonably predict myself living to 100. Crisis averted.

13. Attention. Yeah, I said it. I love attention. Not attention as in people looking at me but I do love having people listen to me.

14. Cookies! Cookies are my favorite, if you catch me in a swimsuit this summer you will notice immediately. Nothing like salted caramel or a sea salt top or chocolate chip cookies with no chocolate chips. I haven't dumped table salt on a chips ahoy yet but it's only a matter of time.

15. Certain Bible verses always make me happy. I may not be reading them as God intended but they uplift me, even if they don't suspend gravity.


 

16. Kvetching. Kvetching genuinely makes me happy. It's not that I am constantly unhappy and need to complain about everything but I do need to make jokes about everything (see #4) and those jokes sometimes come in the form of complaints.

17. A good matte lip. I like a liquid lip that dries matte, doesn't crack and stays put. I couldn't make that rhyme but Kat Von D, YSL and ColourPop make great liquid lipsticks. And since my lips take up roughly half my face, I appreciate that.

18. I love a good Halloween costume. I love everything about Halloween and in the last few years I have started making my own costumes as early as June. Should I consider cosplay? Would I get fired? Stay tuned.


19. Degrassi. I get so much entertainment from the fictional drama of Canadian teens. And it's something I've always watched with my brothers so we bond over Manny and Lola and Spinner and Ellie.

20. Trivia. I LOVE TRIVIA. Even though one of my favorite trivia spots thinks I am a cheater. Every week This Day in History was a round so I made study guides. It was my last semester of college, I had a ton of free time and failing to prepare is preparing to fail. But I promise I always put them away once trivia started.


21. My brothers make me happy even when they're trying to ruin my life. Last night Colby asked me why I dyed my hair. First of all...stupid question. I didn't dye it to end world hunger now did I? When I told him I wanted my hair to be red he informed me that "it doesn't look good" but I know that's just Colby being Colby. He thinks he is giving me helpful feedback, God bless him.

22. Much like trivia, Tingvia also makes me happy. A combination of my friend Ting and trivia, Tingvia asks such intriguing questions as "how many motorcycles has Ting been run over by?" and "what is Ting's D&D alignment?" and more! I love a good guessing game. You can ask Amanda.

23. Showtunes! If I'm not listening to a podcast in the car I am probably singing one of Broadway's greatest hits. I also like to sing them in the classroom, much to the dismay of my students who suddenly change their opinion that "music helps them focus."

24. Good Instagram captions make my day. I put more effort into my captions than my pictures and I think that really shows.

25. My students make me happy. They make me sad sometimes and I have been known to get angry on an occasion or two but for the most part, I love just talking to them. Even on the worst days I can't imagine not seeing them every day and they make having a job with no bathroom breaks worth the eventual bladder infection.

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