But this morning I came across an article on Buzzfeed, as one does, about what Meghan Markle can no longer do now that she is part of the British royal family. I read through this list and honestly, I'm relieved Prince Harry didn't propose to me because I think I would have had to turn him down.
Let's review everything forbidden to the Duchess of Sussex and consider the possibility of the conclusion I myself have jumped to...the queen is a jealous player hater.
1. Social Media
As a teacher I have to have my personal social media accounts on private and that is torture enough. Not even being allowed access to my own personal account? That sounds like the type of healthy and mature decision I would never want forced upon me. And what about my followers? They would be crushed. I mean I've never been considered royalty by anyone but myself, but isn't it like...the queen's job to consider the people?
She is not allowed to post selfies anymore because the queen doesn't like them. I don't like a lot of things but do I ban everyone in my family from doing them? No! Seriously, who does she think she is, the Queen of England?
Not everyone is pretty enough to look good in a regular old photo. I mean, luckily, Meghan is, but this still seems like an abuse of power.
3. Have legs
There are not 1, not 2, but 3 things Meghan can't do anymore that all revolve around her being a human woman with legs. She has to always have hemlines below the knee which makes it super hard to buy off the rack. They really don't make women's clothes that anyone above the age of 16 can feel comfortable and covered in anymore. The entire women's fashion industry has devolved into one big game of hide the sleeves.
Additionally, she must wear pantyhose if her lower legs are exposed. I'm not sure how England handles their royal budget, but how much is that going to cost tax payers? Pantyhose are basically one-and-done for me but I do have mighty talons and the patience of a toddler.
Finally, she can't even cross her legs, she has to sit with her ankles crossed, which let me tell you, is painful. I just feel like one of these rules could have done the trick, do we need a triple layer of protection against the British public finding out she has thighs?
4. Vote
She can't vote or speak out on politics or social issues. So had I married Prince Harry, I would have to kiss this blog goodbye, disappointing fans the world over and more than likely leading to World War III. Is she allowed to vote on The Voice, American Idol, The X Factor?
5. Manicures
Her majesty is apparently a fashion critic as well and prefers light and neutral nail polish shades to bright, bold colors. She can prefer whatever colors she wants...FOR HERSELF. But Meghan? Those are American fingernails, don't they have rights? Where is Gloria Allred? Better yet...Amal Clooney. Someone needs to address this egregious violation of human rights.
6. Sleep
While staying in the same palace as the queen it is frowned upon to go to bed before her. This actually isn't a bad concept but she's doing it all wrong. If I was in charge I would make all of my guests go to sleep right when I did so I wouldn't miss anything. Seriously, we can't just let the woman sleep? She is 36 years old! She can be in charge of her own bedtime!
7. Act
She literally has to quit her job to get married. What is this? Bahrain, Jordan, Kuwait, Qatar, Sudan, the United Arab Emirates or Yemen? Those are countries where women need permission from their husbands to work and oh wait...Great Britain tried to colonize all of them so maybe it IS a cultural thing?
So Harry, while I took the news of your engagement pretty hard, you really did me a favor. You can take my black nail polish, you can deprive me of sleep hoping I will break, you can even take my job, but you can never, ever, take my selfies. It's not me, it's you.
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