WGW: Sipping Stroopwafel

On July 2, 2019 America handed England their greatest defeat of all time in the history of the world. You're welcome. After giving Britain the business just like we did in 1776, only one match stood between our ladies and the World Cup.

Sweden and the Netherlands would play on July 3rd to determine who was going for the gold and who would be battling for bronze. (ESPN, if you're reading this, I do freelance work.) Now I wasn't sure who to pull for. On one hand, or foot I suppose since it's soccer, I wouldn't mind a rematch with Sweden. On the other foot...I wasn't prepared to handle another Scandinavian loss. After Sweden beat us in the Rio Olympics I prepared to boycott the nation for the next 4 years. I turned my nose up at meatballs of the Swedish variety and declined every offer to go to IKEA. The one thing I couldn't quit was ABBA. So as much as I wanted a rematch and redemption, I was nervous at the prospect of going from now until the 2020 Olympics without a single Mamma Mia jam session.

But then again I had to consider the alternative. Should the Dutch team win against Sweden and then America, I would be forced to implement a new boycott. One that would render me unable to try the limited time only Stroopwafel McFlurry. McDonald's timing could not be worse.

In the end, I decided to let go and let God since I didn't really care who we beat on Sunday. The Netherlands won and I did a little research, learning that the Netherlands is actually NOT the same as Norway. Who knew?

For the championship match, I woke up early to get a good spot at Buffalo Wild Wings. Emily helped me paint up and we left Apex at the unGodly hour of 7:30 to be in Myrtle Beach by kick off. Or whatever the start of a game is called in soccer. Please keep in mind that I looked like this while going into a bagel shop for breakfast. While being pulled over to get a ticket (more on that next week). While grabbing some last minute essentials from Walmart. While unloading at the beach house. While waiting for someone with a key after we promptly locked ourselves out of said beach house. It really wasn't the conversation starter that I hoped it would be.

Here is a collection of thoughts we had during the game.

How did orange become their national color? It would make sense if it were Australia celebrating their past as a penal colony but for the Netherlands? Why?

When it comes to soccer, I don't want the other team to have the ball ever. Is that too much to ask?

Is that Ocean Avenue I hear? Cause I see a yellow card!

I sure hope North Carolina wins the World Cup.

Honestly nothing screams "I definitely just committed a foul" like throwing your hands up and backing away from the injured player.

Tobin Heath is a national treasure. We must protect her from Nicolas Cage at all costs.

Do American fans look like Netherlands fans to them? Could they not change their flag for this one day? Or you know what, everyone pulling for the Dutch just wear orange. Your country only has 17 million people I'm sure someone could make a listserv for things like this.

HOW is Becky Sauerbrunn spraying that water directly into her mouth? That's the most athletic thing I've seen all day. I miss my mouth using a straw sometimes.

This looks like a drill where we are trying to dribble through traffic cones.

If they win their goalie has to get at least 90% of the prize money.

Tobin Heath. Toby Keith. Coincidence? I think not.

At this point they're just playing volleyball with their heads.

Nothing reinforces how horrible my depth perception is quite like soccer. After every shot I have to wait to see how everyone else reacts because I can't tell if it went in or not.

Can the referees be offsides?

I genuinely don't know because I don't know what offsides means in any of the sports it's used in. Emily keeps trying to explain it to me but it makes no sense.