I'm not proud of this but I recently got a DWDI. A ticket for Driving While my Dad is Irresponsible. Allow me to explain to you what happened and how it is all my dad's fault.
I was innocently driving from Apex to the Buffalo Wild Wings in North Myrtle Beach to watch the U.S. Women's National Soccer Team win the FIFA World Cup and then enjoy a few days at the beach when I spotted a what I thought was a State Trooper. I mentioned it to my passenger, Emily, although I wasn't speeding. When we passed the gray police vehicle that was turning in our direction, we realized that it was just a local sheriff car.
Now I don't know about you, but as there are no current warrants for my arrest and I don't keep any illegal materials in my car, I figured I was safe. But I was wrong. Since the sheriff and I were now both southbound, I got over into the right lane as if to say "I have no desire to be in the fast lane, that's for speeders!" and I stayed in that right lane behind an impossibly slow truck. The sheriff got behind me. I started to sweat a little. I mean not physically of course, 'cause gross, but like, metaphorically. I had done nothing wrong but I am VERY afraid of getting in trouble.
I was also pretty sick of driving 55 in a 60 but I was afraid to pass the truck with the fuzz right behind me! My hesitation would prove fatal. There apparently is such a thing as too much respect for the law. Faster than you can say "oh you CAN'T turn left on red?" the sheriff turned his lights on and I began to pull over. I was terrified. I knew I hadn't been speeding but there really is no telling what other traffic violations I may have committed. I have been driving more cautiously since returning from Israel, where driving is a contact sport, but you never know. As I pulled over, rolled down my window, turned down my show tunes and begged Emily not to play I Shot the Sheriff as a sick joke, I realized my greatest fear. Something I was in no way prepared for. A female police officer.
Batting my eyelashes wasn't going to cut it here. I was definitely going to jail, there was no way around it. I would really not do well in prison, I'm not confrontational. I watched Orange is the New Black this summer and I was not interested in starting a drug smuggling ring, carrying a guard's baby or becoming a lesbian for protection. Now using all that free time to get ripped did interest me but I think we all know that as soon as I had earned TV privileges that plan would go right out the barred window.
The officer came to my window, asked for my license and registration and I must have looked confused because she informed me that I had been pulled over due to my registration being expired. And then it all made sense. Because that is definitely my dad's zone. We play a zone defense when it comes to my car because we are both on the title. My zone includes paying for gas (unfortunately), getting oil changes, getting inspections, routine maintenance and everything that isn't renewing the registration. My dad's zone includes AND IS LIMITED TO renewing the registration. And since he is the team MRP (Most Responsible Player) I was confused as to how he let this slip.
While the deputy worked on beginning my criminal record and probably issuing a BOLO, I freaked out to Emily. I was worried about having to spend a lot of money on the ticket, going to jail forever, and missing the beginning of the soccer game...not necessarily in that order. She finally came back, gave me my ticket and informed me that I would need to report to court in September. I was trying to ask her if I had to physically be at court if I got my registration renewed before then and she didn't really know how to answer my question and instead tried to direct me to the courthouse. When I again looked confused, she asked if I was familiar with the area. And that's when I almost lost it. You JUST had my license and registration. Both of which list Apex as my address. NO I AM NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE AREA. It's not exactly a sprawling metropolis. Who has heard of Whiteville? No one. Great.
So after a weekend of imagining what life in prison would be like and watching Get Hard to prepare myself, I set out to renew my registration myself. As an independent woman I am completely capable of doing these things for myself if I have to because my dad got me a ticket. First thing Wednesday morning I went to get my car inspected.
If you have been following this blog for years, you know all about my history with cars. My car failed the inspection because I needed new tires. I am the only person that I know of who has failed an inspection due to tires. And my family members kept asking me if my tires were really that bad. Ummm...I have no idea. I'm not observant and I super don't pay attention to my car. As long as the radio is working and there are open cupholders, I'm happy. I probably wouldn't have noticed if someone stole a tire on the passenger side. But I got the tires, I passed the inspection and I renewed the registration. Which came with a $100 late fee. Of course. Because this is my life with cars. But I came up with a generous solution.
And was promptly rejected. That's dads for ya. It's always about the $200 dental bills HE paid and never about the $2 gum I bought for him.
As I was going through all of this - the ticket, the failed inspection, buying new tires and the late fee - I was pretty mad at times but I remained uncharacteristically positive. I was thankful that this happened over the summer when I had time to take care of everything, grateful that my grandfather still answers the phone even though no one else in my family knows how to and relieved that I could afford the new tires since I had budgeted for my trip. Speaking of which...if my group in Israel turned me into an optimist I may never forgive them.
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