Perks of Dating Me (aka sandwiches)

Like most girls my age, I am obsessed with Pretty Little Liars. My girlfriends and I watch it together every Tuesday after dinner, during which we all talk about our jobs. We have the most cliche jobs possible for high school/college age kids. We have a waitress, a lifeguard, a nanny, 2 of my friends work at a golf course, another friend works at a lake, and I'm a summer camp counselor.

This week's post was inspired by one of my kids at camp. She asked me how I was still single. I explained to her that I ask myself that question every single day and I will be happy to let her know once I have an answer. Another one of my girls suggested that the best way for me to get a boyfriend would be to knock a guy over the head with a shovel and if he gets amnesia, tell him I've been his girlfriend for years. Later that same day, one of my boys asked me if it hurt. I chuckled and said "did what hurt?" like I had no idea what was coming next. He said "when you fell from Heaven" and before I could say "awwww!" he added "because your face looks really messed up from the fall." Kids say the darndest things.

When I shared that story with my friends, one of my lovelies so kindly pointed out that I'm not forever alone, I'm just forever available. That made me feel better for all of 2 seconds.

Despite those kids, my friends, and everyone else I know, I think there are actually several reasons that males should at least consider dating me. I decided that it is probably a great idea to compile a list of such reasons if I ever want to be able to trick a guy into marrying me. While reading this list please note that I excel at self-depreciating humor. So I present...

Reasons Why I'm Not So Bad
I have no problem making my guy a sandwich. Every day.
Additionally, I bake, cook, AND wash the dishes afterwards.
No other guy will ever try to steal me from you. I promise.
I have a job, so 1) I'm not a gold digger and 2) I'm busy 10 hours a day so you don't even have to talk to me that much.
I could watch NBA all day.
I can talk sports.
I wear yoga pants. A lot.
I'd love to be a barefoot and pregnant housewife.
If you turn off the lights and close your eyes I look a little like Julia Roberts.
The only guy you will ever have to compete with is Uncle Sam.
I like the kitchen just fine.
Women's Rights? What's that?
I'm perfectly content stalking you from afar.
I would never run away. Mainly because I would never run.
I am a great planner. In fact, I already have our wedding planned.