The Best of Halloween

I'm sure y'all are just as excited as I am for Halloween. I say this mainly because the proverbial y'all likely only consists of my mother and Zach, both of whom are, to my knowledge, excited for Halloween. So I thought the best way to pay homage to the start of the holiday season was to clue you all in on my favorite (and therefore the best) parts of Halloween.

Movies
In no particular order. Except for Hocus Pocus which is of course deservedly at the top with no close second. As soon as any of the other movies get a talking cat named Thackery Binks I will reconsider the standings. Please note that there is no Stephen King, that guy is a genius but seriously disturbed.


Hocus Pocus
I think we can all agree that it is the right decision to watch Hocus Pocus every time it is on television. Thora Birch is precious and the Sanderson sisters are just great. Bette Midler is perfection per usual and SJP is her normal, fabulous self. It'll put a spell on you.

Practical Magic
This movie exists in a world where Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock are sisters. So there's that. I love every movie that suggests there is some normal girl just chillin until one day she discovers she's a witch. This movie has that goin on for generations. And sisters committing and covering up a homicide? How fun!

The Little Vampire
I for one think of this as more of a year-round classic, but I understand that my more close-minded contemporaries associate vampires with Halloween. Jonathan Lipnicki is too much, is he not? The vampire cows actually really freak me out and if you say they don't bother you you're a liar. This movie is the reason I always include whistling in the skills section of my resume.

Beetlejuice
If you have limited resources pretty much any Tim Burton movie will do but Beetlejuice is the undisputed king of Halloween. Geena Davis, Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, Catherine O'Hara. And most importantly, The Banana Boat Song.

The Addams Family
Christina Ricci is gold. Wednesday Addams makes being a psychopath cool, but even more impressive, she makes braided pig tails cool. But seriously, the love story between Gomez and Morticia is epic and inspiring to all of us still searching for our cara mias.

Episodes
So many excellent candidates but only 5 spots, any show worth its storage in the DVR has a killer Halloween episode, but these are my favorites.

Reba
Best Li'l Haunted House in Texas. The whole premise is that it is hard for Reba to scare her family since they are grown up. And she goes around telling everyone they've been "Reba'd!" Of course, Reba could do anything at it would be adorable, but I love this episode.

Even Stevens
The main thing I remember about this episode is that Louis is a penguin jockey and I thought that his costume actually walked for him. Needless to say I thought that was the coolest thing ever wanted one, not for Halloween but for my everyday use to put an end to my pedestrian status forever. I have since learned that Louis's legs were actually the penguin's legs and he was walking like normal. However  I have not forgiven my little brother for crushing my dreams of being a penguin jockey someday.

Pretty Little Liars
If you aren't obsessed with Pretty Little Liars like you should be, you're groaning right now but this could not go unsaid. The PLL Halloween special is essential in keeping PLL fans alive from the August finale to the new season premier in January. So basically, we couldn't live without Halloween.

Friends
Let me begin by saying that this episode made it on the list in spite of, not because of, Chandler's bunny costume. I have a strong aversion to slash fear of people dressed as animals that was inspired by a man dressed as a bunny, but Joey dressed as Chandler and Ross as the wannabe punny Spudnik, make up for Chandler the bunny.

Modern Family
I think the single best thing about this episode is that Claire tells Alex she should spend more time on her Halloween costume and less time on her homework. Parenting, for the win! Also, Gloria tries speaking in an English accent.

Costumes
I still remember most of my costumes growing up. There was the red crayon, a classic. The turtle costume that fire ants got into, good times. And of course the Anastasia costume, my prized possession. If I had a dollar for every time I tried to wear that thing to school, well I would have one dollar because my mother told me to never deviate from my pre-planned outfit choices again.

Third Wheel
This. Is. Genius. You just take a wheel of any old bike, it doesn't even have to be your bike, and with some adhesive, stick it to yourself. Then you photobomb couple pics all night. Genius.


Your Next Girlfriend
This is what I am going to say to any hot guy who asks what I am being this year. And by that I mean I am painfully shy and will probably just blush and say nothing, but still, it's a nice thought.

Babies in Actual Pumpkins
This isn't so much a costume as it is probable child abuse, but do yourself a favor and google image search babies in pumpkins. It's precious.

Wrecking Balls
This will likely lose significance after Halloween 2k13, but every costume I have seen of people and pets dressed as wrecking balls with Miley on top is sick. I don't mean wicked cool I mean it's actually disgusting, but a funny costume.

The Sun Drop Girl
A classic. Bonus points if you actually look like her. More bonus points if you do the dance. And even more bonus points if you hand people  Sun Drops all night.

Candy
Such an important part of Halloween, it's always important to have one day for trick or treating and another day for general rabble-rousing. And practice your looks of disdain for houses who give out DOTS. I swear no one in the world likes DOTS.

Candy Corn M&Ms
I don't like candy corn. I actually hate it. But I was recently introduced to candy corn M&Ms by a friend, and they didn't make me want to vomit the half pound of candy I already ate that day, and that day wasn't even Halloween.


Twizzlers
I recognize that most people do not like Twizzlers, which is precisely what makes them one of my favorites. My brothers will just give these to me, I don't even have to trade them any of the good stuff. I pretty much have Halloween Twizzlers in my candy drawer year round because I'm convinced that like cockroaches, they could survive a nuclear holocaust.

Reese's Pumpkins
Every holiday Reese's is of course one of my favorite candies. A lot of people say the pumpkins are their favorite because of the peanut butter to chocolate ratio. I've never understood those people. Reese's Christmas Trees will be my favorite until they start making Reese's flags.

Caramel Apple Pops
Honestly, I haven't been able to enjoy these since my OD of 2009 (thanks Food Lion MVP special), but I recognize that they deserve a spot on this list. I would be lying if I didn't admit to throwing away the sucker as soon as all the caramel is gone. But still, a must.

Mini M&Ms
I know M&Ms are already on the list, but the minis are just so much better. And mini M&Ms always seem to pop up around Halloween. You can get them any time of year, but they're just not as good as they are on Halloween.

Songs
Based on my very own Halloween playlist. Please note that I am forcing my friends to start getting ready tonight so that we can listen to my playlist in its entirety.

Wicked Little Girls, Esthero
Such a classic to apparently only me because my roommates always go "huh" when I play this but you really need to know this song. It will help you tap into your inner femme fatale as you're getting ready. Side Note-if you aren't being anything sexy for Halloween, maybe skip this song. 

Touch-A Touch-A Touch Me, Glee Cast
Of course Rocky Horror and of course Glee. This song is inappropriate for anyone under the age of 13 and any of my little cousins or siblings no matter how old you are!

Thriller, Michael Jackson
Because how could you not? It's Thriller, it's MJ, it's great. Extra points to anyone who loves the Glee Thriller/Heads Will Roll mash up as much as I do.

Don't Wake Me Up, Chris Brown
To be honest this is more of my theme song for November 1st when I inevitably have to wake up from the post-Halloween revelry hibernation that lasted all of 2 hours and drag my butt to class looking like a before picture. 

Blow, Ke$ha
Fun fact, Halloween is referred to as Glitter Day in some parts of the world. I made that up, but does that make it any less true? As the prime minister of all things sparkle, Ke$ha is an absolute must for any Halloween playlist. I chose Blow because I feel like it completely captures the atmosphere of all the parties I crash Halloween night.