An Open Letter of Apology

Before this week's actual post I should probably apologize to all the readers who read the title and thought this post would be an apology for the numerous offensive/rude/true things I have said over the past year. No such luck. So sorry that I'm not sorry.

*clears throat*


Dear Raleigh, Parts of Durham, and Even a Little Bit Chapel Hill-

I would like to extend my sincerest apologies for driving your streets earlier today. I am the reason women shouldn't drive.

I want to first offer some explanation, because as is often the case with women drivers, cheating husbands, and Ted Kennedy, I refuse to take full responsibility for my actions. It's really not all my fault. My GPS is partially to blame, it's true. A faulty navigation system transforms my driving from 16-year-old girl who is trying to play it cool even though she swears she just saw Justin Bieber to Helen Keller in a very bumpy 3.5 seconds or less.

Now that we can all agree that my performance today was significantly hindered by forces beyond my control, I will begin my apology.

I'm sorry for changing lanes as if I were playing Mario Kart.

I'm sorry for accidentally going 50 on the highway for a few minutes. Beyonce was on. I was singing and dancing, These things happen.

I'm sorry for pretending I couldn't read numerous DO NOT ENTER signs.

I'm sorry for barely pausing at that one STOP sign.

I'm sorry for all the times (by my count, 8) I changed lanes only to immediately return to my original lane once I realized the right lane was exit only.

I'm sorry for taking the wrong turn because I had no idea where I was.

I'm sorry for consequently taking up the entire parking lot of the completely unsketchy Cash for Gold Jewelry to do my fifth U-turn of the day.

I'm sorry for going through the parking lot of 2 gas stations and a Wendy's to get to Bojangles. (But I'm not that sorry cause it was Bo Time.)

And last but not least, I'm sorry to the construction workers who have grown accustomed to seeing me drive up and down Columbia at least thrice a day. I'm sure you're all thinking that I need to get my life together. And you are indeed correct, sirs. Thank you for telling me to drive safe and have a nice day today when you probably wanted to say choose another route idiot we've been here for weeks.

-Rachel