The Good Lord Taketh Away

This week the unthinkable happened. I'm talking every white girl's worst nightmare. Worse than accidentally wearing two clashing Lilly prints in the same outfit. Worse than your parents getting you silver Jack Rogers when you wanted gold. Worse than your boyfriend NOT getting you a Michael Kors watch for your one month anniversary.

My iPhone broke. My very first iPhone, nay, my very first smart phone. Heck, it was the first cellular device I'd ever owned capable of sending or receiving pictures.

*moment of silence*

Now I wasn't always the picture of grace and dignity when dealing with this unforeseen tragedy. At first I totally freaked out, worried that those around me may have to suffer not knowing the time whilst my iClock was compromised. But I've made it past the first 72 hours (which I had to confirm with an analog clock, how 20th century). I've been living sans phone and I am a survivor.

After confirming that my friends could take time away from their feverish answering of text messages to check the time of day without me (cough cough Amanda), I soon realized that outside of the one person I absolutely must talk to every single day, no one else really cared about me, which in my current state is both a relief and a smack in the face. So I took to communicating via email and began seeing the anachronistic communication as a quirk, making me somewhat of an Austen heroine.

As it became more and more apparent that my beloved iPhone could not be revived, suddenly, the seemingly neverending burdens of the bourgeoisie were exposed for what they really were. Glorified first world problems.

You have no service?
No one is texting you back?
No one liked your Instagram picture? (see July 9th post)

I remember back when I too was vexed by such trivial matters. All in the past. I could do this whole no phone thing, I thought haughtily. I spent the first iPhone-less evening with a smug smirk on my face (while never straying further than 3 feet away from my laptop). I don't need modern technology. I'm enlightened. My own woman.

Or at least I was until a dark moment when my father suggested I get a droid. In my mind I promptly told him that this was egregious, a white girl without an iPhone is like eating a toaster strudel with no icing. Completely wrong. Laughable really. In reality, my new and improved, enlightened self politely said "Please Daddy no, anything but that. I promise I'll stop calling you cute if you don't make me get a droid" (he thinks it's condescending that I find him adorable).

The worst part of this whole ordeal was that in the first 24 hours of this vacation, while my phone was still working, I suffered from a complete and utter lack of text messages (you know who you are). About an hour before my phone broke my friends all suddenly remembered I existed at the same time (I'm on to you guys). Had I been at home when my phone bit it, I would have been 10 minutes from an Apple store. But here on the coast of NC, the nearest Apple store is in another state. Believe me, the irony of my situation was not lost.

Being bereft of my iPhone also meant I was allowed a much-needed absence from social media. It was unexpectedly pleasant to not have to check my Instagram account every day to find that no one else was interested in following me or liking my pictures (gasp). Not seeing a flash of orange in the bottom right of the screen gets old after awhile, it's true. I no longer had to open snapchat and view countless my stories just because my OCD won't let me leave them unopened. I didn't have to take my phone down to the seaside to capture white girl vacay shots of me and the beach. That one wasn't just beneficial to me though, breaking my phone saved hundreds from seeing me in a bikini. You're welcome.

In conclusion, this week has changed me. After my phone broke, I lost internet access and also suffered the loss of my favorite beach chair and favorite pair of black flip flops. This week was full of heartache. While I wouldn't wish this tragedy on anyone, this break from my iPhone has made me realize there are more important things in life. I can't think of any at this moment but I am pretty confident that they are out there.