Diets We Could Actually Use

The Social Media Diet
We could all use this. Even your great aunt who logs onto Facebook once a month to like all the pictures you're tagged in could use this. Studies show that people are generally happier when they spend less time on social media. Call me crazy but I think that humans, as a species, actually DON'T need to be notified whenever their ex likes someone's selfie. If you doubt me on this, just ask anyone how their Google+ fast is going.

The No Sprinkles Diet
No one said this was gonna be easy. Sprinkles can run you upwards of 20 calories per teaspoon and I don't know about you, but I've never enjoyed a dessert with less than 4 teaspoons of rainbow sprinkles. So cut out the sprinkles and cut a bigger piece of sprinkle-free cake.

The Multitasking Diet
Focus all of your energy and attention on doing one thing at a time for a week. You'll probably be super bored during commercials but you will also have less instances of accidentally putting your phone in the fridge, squeezing hand soap onto your toothbrush or fruitlessly searching one of your sock drawers for your Aerosmith pajamas.

The Complaining Diet
I'm  mildly terrified when I think about how much more I could accomplish if I complained less and did more. Just try to go 24 hours without complaining and see if you don't solve the Syrian refugee crisis or reform immigration or restore Pluto's planethood.

The Diet Diet
For when you need to stop trying too many diets and just pick one! Anna Kendrick famously tweeted, well a lot of things actually, but specifically "I suspect that low-carb diets work not because they are healthier, but because without carbs I simply lose the will to eat." Let's take it a step further, without carbs I lose the will to live and I think that's true of all diets.

The No Pizza Diet
Hahahahaha, I'm sorry. As if! I shouldn't even joke about that.

The Reality TV Diet
First and foremost your language will definitely improve and you will save a lot of money by not applying bronzer and Kardashian makeup every day. Hit up some documentaries (Blackfish, Iranium), listen to stand-up comedy (Aziz Ansari, Iliza Shlesinger, John Mulaney) or watch Chelsea Handler's new Netflix series.

The Diet Soda Diet
I'm not a scientist or a doctor or a fully formed adult so I'm not going to debate the merits of full calorie sodas or discuss the dangers of aspartame or any of that. I just think diet sodas are disgusting and they make me really sad. Treat yoself!