Winning Rio

I LOVE the Olympics.

I love America, I love sportsball, and once every 2 years (let's not forget the winter sports) two of my favorite pastimes come together - yelling that America is the best and watching us (or should I say US) prove it.

In my 23 years I have built up a ton of street cred as an America enthusiast along with an impressive arsenal of USA gear to compliment my obsession. I have a Team USA sweatsuit (as if I ever sweat), several red, white & blue shirts/tank tops/dresses/hats both with and without sequins, an America pillow pet, red, white & blue Nike dunks, 2 pairs of Ronald Reagan socks, and a USA Otterbox. I have been planning an American-themed wedding on the 4th of July for years! If anyone has any idea on where to find a good deal on a groom, let me know. I got my ears pierced 3 times so I could wear the Team USA colors. I (unfortunately only once) dyed my dog red, white & blue. I can't solve my Rubik's Cube but I can make it look like an American flag. My social media handle is redwhiteandrae, my favorite holiday is the 4th of July (it will really suck if any of you tries to hack me and is asked that as a security question) and I scheduled my summer vacations around the Olympic games. Some would even say that I "ate McDonald's 5 times this weekend" but I prefer to think of it as supporting the 31st Olympiad.

Now that we've established my reputation as an American fanatic and the world's worst pet owner, I want to share some of my Olympic watching experiences and encourage you to follow Team USA as they continue to dominate the games and make America proud.

• I have cried over Jason Brown's Riverdance routine on several occasions. 

• I love the amount of sass that Lilly King brought to the Olympic pool when she defeated an opponent who violated the integrity of the sport.

• I still get ridiculously excited over the red, white & blue manicures/pedicures of Olympians.

• It blessed my heart to watch swimmer Cody Miller get so jazzed about bringing home the bronze, he was way more excited than the guy who won gold. 

• I will never understand how Olympic divers don't hit their heads on the diving boards or platforms.

• I have no idea how it is humanly possible to do what beach volleyball players do considering the undignified amount of effort it takes me to get up from my beach chair and the ensuing struggle to walk to the shoreline,

• I have convinced myself that if I were taller (or good at volleyball) I would be best friends with Foluke Akinradewo.

• I admire all of the athletes who are risking exposure to Zika to represent their countries. Athletes like Hope Solo who are booed merely for expressing concern and taking precautions but continue to play their A game.

• Once every 2 years I become an expert on soccer, gymnastics, swimming, figure skating and skiing jargon. 

• The Final Five's makeup looks better after hours of competing and waiting and kicking butt than my makeup 5 seconds after application.

• I will never forget being in a restaurant when the music stopped and we all cheered together as we watched Michael Phelps take back the gold in the 200m butterfly from Chad le Jerk. (It happened less than 24 hours ago but I feel confident that I will never forget it.)

• The tweets, videos and commentary of Leslie Jones is the cookie on the pizza of the Rio games. (You know, like the icing on the cake. An amazing thing on top of an already wonderful thing.)

• I can't get over the grace and calmness with which Simone Biles performs even as everyone is hailing her as the greatest gymnast the world has ever seen. Meanwhile I get nervous when someone is counting on me to go halfsies on a BOGO deal.

• Sunday I was so proud to watch Katie Ledecky set a new Olympic record in the 400 meter freestyle preliminary like it was no big deal because for her it really isn't.

• I was just as proud a bit later when cyclist Mara Abbott, who had led the last 15 kilometers by a considerable amount, was overcome to finish 4th in the women's road race. She didn't storm off the course or throw her bike at the contestants who medalled as some people I know would have. Me. I'm talking about myself. (JOKING. I could never lift a bike high enough to throw it.) 

•  I have accepted that I will never be capable of looking beautiful and strong and confident while representing my country and my sport at the highest level the way the ladies of the Olympics do.

• I have partially accepted that I will probably never marry an Olympic swimmer but for someone so below average I take it surprisingly personally that no Olympian has asked for my hand yet.

In case I haven't fully articulated my fixation, I invite you on a photo journey.

 

Watching the Olympics with my America pillow pet, Ronald.

 I want to say he's supposed to be a puppy?
Idk, I bought the stars & stripes, not the species.

 

Breaking it down as Uncle Sam.

 

We want YOU to sign up to be a dancer. Because America.  

 

This picture is actually worth 100,000 words.

 

Guess which one I am? 

I also had a gymnast Barbie who came with a matching outfit and uneven bars.

Nothing says gold medal quite like a USA windbreaker.

 

I have red, white and blue cat ears. That's normal.

 

My roommate's cat, Fin, loves to nap on the America blanket my aunt made me.

In my natural habitat. 

If they ever make a doll of me, well that would be really creepy but it would look like this.

 

My dunks, designed with love by Jean-Luc. 

Someone once asked if they were supposed to be Spider-Man-themed. 

They obviously didn't know me very well.

 Me, Chelsea and our pal Freedom. 

He's the USA baseball mascot and his name is really Freedom I didn't even make that up.

 

I dyed Happy with Kool-aid. 

He took one for the team.

Team USA.

But here's the thing - I don't care about the medal count. Well I do because I have a medal counter bookmarked on my laptop and phone and a chalkboard that I update every 2 hours in my living room. But even if we don't win a single medal (spoiler alert, at time of publication we already have 28), I still live in the greatest country on the planet. In an election as heated as 2016's it's easy to get caught up in the things that are broken in our country. The Olympics serve to remind us, and the world, what we do right. Our athletes have the freedom to choose to represent other nations at the games. We welcome competitors from other countries to Team USA. Several foreign Olympains train on US soil. Our citizens can make Ledecky with the good hair memes and get #PhelpsFace trending on an uncensored Internet. America is the freest nation on earth. And there is nothing more golden than that.