Chickaplao*

In honor of the one-person production of Hamilton that I am BEGGING my school to let me produce-they keep rejecting the idea, throwing around terms like "STUDENT casting only" and "physically impossible" and "legal issues"-I've created an astrology chart so you can match your stars to your favorite Hamilton characters. Some of you will end up as Peggys. I'm sorry. Remember there are no small roles only virtually unnecessary ones.

Aries - The Bold
Hamilton character - Hercules Mulligan
Hamilton song - Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down)
You're a vibrant individual who will stop at nothing and you make a mean "yo mamma" joke. But you also have a tendency to introduce yourself and then tell everyone that you "need no introduction" so make up your mind.

Taurus - The Generous
Hamilton character - Marquis de Lafayette
Hamilton song - Guns and Ships
You're the real star (at least of Disc 1). An amazing friend, you are adored by all for your selflessness and willingness to lend a hand. (Did I mention I'm a Taurus?) Always happy to spare some ammo to help out a friend, no one has "more resilience or matches [your] practical tactical brilliance". At least no one that I can think of.

Gemini - The Expressive
Hamilton character - Maria Reynolds
Hamilton song - Say No To This
You have no problem telling everyone what you want, what you do have a problem with is respecting boundaries and spelling your name phonetically. (Mariah = Mariah, Maria = Maria) (I trust that you all read those names in your head with the appropriate pronunciations) I guess when you sang "I don't know about any letter!" that was in reference to the letter H?

Cancer - The Nurturer
Hamilton character - Eliza Schuyler Hamilton
Hamilton song - That Would Be Enough
You just want everyone to get along and let you take care of them. You really are the "best of wives and best of women" and they always get cheated on! (See: Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock, Halle Berry) You may also be a witch...how did you know Philip would be a boy? I did some research, they did not have ultrasounds back then. I'm still on hold with the MythBusters but definitely looking into this.

Leo - The Confident
Hamilton character - King George III
Hamilton song - You'll Be Back
Your confidence, while charming, is misplaced. You're like the Voldemort to George Eacker's Umbridge. But I am going to have to try your strategy of killing "friends and family to remind you of my love" this Valentine's Day. It sounds cheaper than flowers/chocolate.

Virgo - The Practical
Hamilton character - Angelica Schuyler
Hamilton song - Satisfied
You're a master puppeteer, pulling all the strings so that what should happen, does. A trophy wife after my own heart, you know what qualities really count in a man. Like money. And not being married to your sister. And more money. When men say you're "intense" or "insane" what they really mean is "intimidating" and (still) "insane".

Libra - The Fair
Hamilton character - George Washington
Hamilton song - One Last Time
Noble. Brave. Capable. Incomparable. With wisdom far beyond your years (or your nation's years) you set the precedent. Here's to your "own vine and fig tree, a moment alone in the shade" and giving that punk Charles Lee a good what for. Don't EVER talk about the pride of Mount Vernon like that again.

Scorpio - The Intense
Hamilton character - Alexander Hamilton
Hamilton song - My Shot
Young. Scrappy. Hungry (aren't we all?). You're an amazing supporting character since we all know Angelica is the star of the show. One tiny suggestion - if you're gonna sing about not throwing away your shot for an entire musical...maybe take your own advice? Or maybe stop imagining death, that was like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sagittarius - The Independent
Hamilton character - John Laurens
Hamilton song - Aaron Burr, Sir
Those red coats don't want it with you. You knew "we'll never be free until we end slavery" long before the rest of the nation came around because you're an independent thinker. But you really should have shot Charles Lee in the mouth..."that would've shut him up".

Capricorn - The Focused
Hamilton character - Aaron Burr
Hamilton song - Wait For It
You sir, make some excellent points. But you also kill Hamilton which kind of cancels out the lyrical genius of "I'm not standing still I am lying in wait." We all have frenemies. We don't all shoot our frenemies in a duel because we're mad no one trusts us after a lifetime of lying. (Okay some of us do but that can't become the norm or civilization will collapse.)

Aquarius - The Bright
Hamilton character - Thomas Jefferson
Hamilton song - What'd I Miss
You're exceptionally brilliant, my only complaint is that you're a Francophile. (Okay, a few other complaints but let's not get into that now) Your bromance with James Madison is adorable, your defense of slavery is not. And don't make Sally open your mail. If you can write the Declaration of Independence I think you can manage reading your own letters. Although to be fair, I guess mail theft wasn't a federal crime back then.

Pisces - The Peaceful
Hamilton character - Peggy Schuyler
Hamilton song - The Schuyler Sisters
You're probably a teacher's pet who has never been out past curfew. Which is awesome! (In case my little brothers are reading this.) You just want to stay out of trouble and that's really all there is to say about you because "well-behaved women seldom make history" -Kim Kardashian.

* Today marked not an end but a (God willing, brief) pause to the Ham4Ham live performances. If you have yet to see Renee (my queen) Elise Goldsberry perform the scrapped track Congratulations, do yourself a favor and head over to YouTube.