It happens about this time, every week. Like clockwork.
The current object of my affections first waltzed into my life roughly 3 weeks ago. I saw him at church and from the back of his head I knew. He's the one.
People often ask me what the number one physical quality I look for in a guy is. And honestly, to me it is really attractive when a guy isn't wearing a wedding ring.
The first time I saw him I was like wow what a cute and healthy scalp. I couldn't gather much besides the fact that he has a tattoo, does not wear a wedding ring and goes to my church. After service ended I went on my way until the next Sunday. Here's where we get to our first flirting tip...
1. Pay Attention
You really need to take in the facts about your potential love interests. Specifically, I took note of where he was sitting. So the next Sunday, I moved from my normal section at the back right and headed to the center left. I hated sitting there and I didn't even see him!
2. Use What You Know
My next piece of advice is to work with the info that you have. I don't know this guy's name. I don't know where he works. I don't know where he lives. I don't even know if he has a nose, I could be crushing on Voldemort right now. But I know he goes to my church so guess where my butt will be each and every Sunday of 2019? Well played God. My brother was preaching at a different church last Sunday. Do you think I went to hear him preach? No! Of course not! My brother isn't going to make me the sole beneficiary of his life insurance policy some day. Gotta look out for number one.
3. Smile
Thankfully, our paths crossed again. I looked everywhere for him last Sunday to no avail until communion started. Lord forgive me but in the middle of remembering the blood of Christ I recognized the ringless hand passing out unleavened bread and Welch's finest. And he was in charge of my row! If that's not a clear sign tantamount to a burning bush then I just don't know what is. I prayed for forgiveness from my sins, and requited love from my mans. I made what I hope is a normal amount of eye contact and hit him with a slight smile. Like this.
4. Head Their Way
Sometimes girls, steps 1 through 3 aren't enough. Guys can be pretty clueless. So even though I noticed him, sat in his section when he wasn't there, made eye contact AND smiled, I wasn't sure he got the hint. So I really took matters into my own hands. Right after the service my church took up an extra offering. Some guys held baskets by the doors to collect the money. Guess who one of those aforementioned guys was? That's right. Of course he was at the door furthest from where I needed to exit. But did I give up? Did I just head for my car? No. I grabbed some dollars, marched on over to his door, put my money in his basket, made eye contact AGAIN and smiled AGAIN. This time like this.
5. You Can Always Bend and Snap
So obviously at this point it's a waiting game. I've done my part, despite what the haters say.
But it helps to know that at any given point I can break out the bend and snap. If it works for Reese Witherspoon it will totally work for me, right? Unless it's blonde hair. Or size 2 jeans. Or bangs.
So, let's review our tips. Pay attention, Use what you know, Smile, Head their way and You can always bend and snap. Just be PUSHY and you can be as successful at dating as I am. And I'm seriously considering the lifetime membership to OKCupid, that's A LOT of dating right there.
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