I have been a victim of #fakenews. Saturday, my roommate Emily shared a very troubling headline with me. She told me that Dollar Tree was bought out and the new...CEO? President? King?...said they would be re-evaluating their pricing strategy. I am currently in the "testing" stage of grief as in I am testing the accuracy of that claim by Googling it and so far...I got nothing.
When I confronted Emily with this shocking lack of evidence she passed the buck, saying that her stepdad told her. So Jeff. I ask you. Do you have access to some top-secret information? Are you insider trading? Or is this some kind of sick joke? Either way, shame on you!
To handle the impending doom that loomed over me for the 3 days between hearing this news and fact checking it. I had to rely on some stress relief aromatherapy products that I bought at, oh yeah, Dollar Tree! They have launched an imitation of the Bath & Body Works aromatherapy I love so much. The packaging is concerningly similar but Dollar Tree's version includes a perfume rollerball! Score!
And that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to products that I rely on Dollar Tree to provide. It's where I buy all of my shaving cream, and by shaving cream I of course mean Suave coconut scented conditioner. I haven't purchased shaving cream since high school when my mom was the sucker who had to pay for it. Without that cheap conditioner, think of all the cuts around my ankles. All the razor burns on my calves when I'm shaving to the knee like Linda Belcher taught me.
I decorate my classroom with a lot of help from Dollar Tree. These cute woodland creature wall decals came from Dollar Tree. Please note the raccoon.
I also got these precious llamas at Dollar Tree AND the replacement set when one of my students maimed my first attempt at a llama farm.
And that's not even mentioning the actual school supplies! I have bought folders, notebooks, erasers, binders, pencils, pens, magnets, highlighters, scissors, rulers and more from Dollar Tree to use in my classroom.
Honestly this is a threat to international health as well and someone should probably contact the World Health Organization. I buy hand sanitizer for my students at Dollar Tree. And tissues! They are a mucus-filled bunch who presume that Kleenexes grow on trees. Pretty soon they will be using the end of their sleeves like I used to. It drove my mother crazy but it also didn't cost any of my hard-working teachers any money. Just imagine how the germs will spread. My classroom will be patient zero with kids coughing and sneezing all willy-nilly. Some diseases that are transmitted via respiratory droplets? I'm glad you asked. How about influenza, rhinovirus, tuberculosis, strep throat, and pneumonia? And these days we can't forget whooping cough, measles, diphtheria, mumps. Do not send Kat Von D's kids to my classroom because it will become a breeding ground for diseases that are easily prevented via vaccination.
I also buy all of my bandaids at Dollar Tree so let's add MRSA to the growing list of possible pandemic concerns. And just so we're clear...MRSA stands for Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus. Which means that A. I listen to and LOVE This Podcast Will Kill You and B. MRSA is by definition drug-resistant. Yikes.
And I would be remiss to discount the candy factor. Dollar Tree is the number one place to purchase movie candies. Except in Sanford because that Dollar Tree is a complete dead zone for cell service and caused a mild panic attack when I couldn't look up directions to the theater and was afraid that we would be late for Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again and I taught my youngest brother a lot of new road rage vocab that day.
Moreover, Dollar Tree is the ONLY place I know of to buy Razzles. First it's candy...then it's gum! You can't hide that light under a bushel. Dollar Tree is also a partial sponsor of most gifts I give my dad because he has the WORST taste in candy. If you ever see some candy and think "I would rather only eat rotten cauliflower for the rest of my life than taste that once" it is probably one of my dad's favorites. We're talking circus peanuts, orange slices, black licorice, it's appalling folks. But Dollar Tree has 'em all. Leave the prices alone just get rid of those monstrosities, there's a pricing strategy to test out.
Let's move on to my livelihood. Teaching pays the bills but crafting pays for the Sephora/Target/Etsy orders. And that is much more fun than silly old rent. I made this wreath for my own apartment with supplies from Dollar Tree and at the moment you can literally buy it off my front door. I get ALL of my wreath frames at Dollar Tree and a fair amount of deco mesh as well.
What about all the people who depend on my adorable and affordable wreaths, paintings, ornaments and more? This is really starting to have a ripple effect. I will continue to report back on any further news but in the meantime I will be hoarding reasonably priced organizational bins and I suggest you do the same.
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