Seeking Season One

If you read my previous post Latter Date Saints, you know that I am a big fan of polygamy. Not like, as a marital practice, but as a reality TV concept. I have been an avid watcher of Sister Wives for a literal decade and during quarantine I convinced my roommate to join me. We rewatched every episode from the beginning. We laughed, we cried, I tried to convince her to watch The Red Tent with me because it's a similar concept, she said no.

I know a lot of people (and literal judges, because it is illegal) judge the Brown family and think their way of life is not normal. But if you take time to watch the show you will see a loving father who really treats all of the children equally, takes care of everyone and leads by example. Of course, I'm talking about oldest son Logan and not dad Kody, but still. We could all stand to be a little more like Logan. Honestly, Christine is my favorite but Janelle raised the best kids (Logan + Gabe). Don't @ me.

I have started listening to the recap podcast Surviving Sister Wives, but the lack of Browns on my TV screen has really left a hole that only an exorbitant amount of marital tension could fill...enter Seeking Sister Wife. Another show on TLC that I had never watched. Until now.

Now I could only access season 2, but it was incredible. Let me break it down for you. We have four families all searching for another wife, to varying degrees of success.

The Alldredges
Oh these guys. Apparently in the fabled season 1, this man and his 2 wives and 7 kids courted a woman who stood them up. Hey, no shame in that. Happens to the best of us. In season 2 we see husband Jeff, who I guesstimate to be fifty, falling for thirty-something gorgeous blonde Jennifer. His also young and also blonde wives Vanessa and Sharis seem to be here for it. The family leaves their home and children in...I forget where but for argument's sake let's just say Utah, for Canada to meet Ontarian Jennifer. That's right. Plenty of single women right here in America but they're importing. After what seems to be a decent first date, far better than many of mine, Jennifer has to leave suddenly for a family emergency. Jeff puts on a brave face and reiterates to the cameras and his wives that he believes Jennifer had a great time and truly did have an emergency. So the Alldredges arrange for Jennifer to come visit them in what I actually think is South Dakota? But then...Jeff gets a text from a friend of Jen's saying she is in the hospital because her appendix ruptured. At this point I'm checking my screen to make sure this is TLC and not MTV because it looks an awful lot like an episode of Catfish. Don't worry. It gets worse. Later they get another text saying that Jennifer has died. But Sharis follows Jennifer on social media and sees that she has recently posted a beach pic. So in a voiceover Jeff announces that the family has decided to not pursue Jennifer anymore. Nah dude. She faked her own death to get away from you. She is the decision maker here.

The McGees
What we have here is a typical case of a wife who clearly is not interested in living polygamy. But wife Paige thinks she wants a sister wife because she wants more children and cannot have them herself. I am guessing that their age prevented them from adoption and you can't go for mani/pedis with a surrogate so polygamy it is. Bernie and Paige join a dating site and although their primary  goal is to have more children, they begin courting Brandy who says she is not interested in having more kids. Things are going well until Paige realizes that Brandy would be dating her husband. She didn't sign up for that! Why can't Brandy and all subsequent sister wives function as live-in surrogates who help with housework? Isn't that what polygamy is? Things come to a head when Paige yells at Brandy and calls her dumb. Brandy leaves and Bernie and Paige's 2 sons are really upset. The youngest is crying, Paige is secretly taking joy in being there to comfort him, and husband Bernie tells his wife that he is heartbroken too. The McGee's claim that they plan to try again but I'm not seeing a happy ending here.

The Snowdens
The guys. Well. The Snowdens are an inexplicably wealthy couple in Atlanta who have Frankensteined an insanely pretentious lifestyle together from bits and pieces of different cultures and religions they like. It's as if they walked down a salad bar of diets and beliefs and symbols and created a vegan, paleo, gluten-free, organic, alkaline salad. Ashley and Dmitri Snowden courted someone in season 1 but that was ruined when Dmitri did what every outsider thinks that men in polygamous relationships do. Yeah. That. So now they have met Vanessa who lives in Seattle and we all know that cross-country romances are where it's at. They eventually all move to L.A. together and Ashley gives Dmitri permission to propose to Vanessa. For the proposal, Dmitri says that he has to write her a song because music is his life. He goes to his friend, rap name C-Tru, government name unclear, and they throw out all of the cheesy cliches that make us barf. I'm talking "I see my future in your eyes" and "when we're together time flies" and crap like that. Dmitri says that he can't sing so I am assuming he will play guitar during the proposal, maybe piano, whip out a lil John Legend. But as he leaves the studio he says he can't play an instrument either and is of no help to C-Tru...but music is his life? The proposal is every bit as cringey as it sounds and they all lived happily ever after I guess?

The Winders
Ya know there's not a lot here because the Winders are incredibly boring. There's a husband and 2 wives and a daughter. Husband Colton is about as exciting as day-old Cream of Wheat, which makes joining the family a hard sale on the polygamous dating app they join - Fishers of Women or something like that. The most interesting thing about their storyline is wife #2, Sophie's, mom. Sophie's mother is a plural wife herself and has no upper teeth, so that was fun to watch.

If anyone at TLC is reading this...first of all, huge fan! Second...please release the mythical season 1. I have questions.