I don't know about y'all, but I think conforming to traditional grammar rules is for losers and Yankees. Same difference, I know, but you get my point. I'm in journalism school so I am forced to use conventional grammar most of the time. And that is just a waste of creativity. Over time I have developed an extensive list of words that absolutely need to exist. I have also included an appropriate example of usage. I think that these words will make everyone's life better, or at the very least make people stop giving me weird stares when I call someone naca. Y'all are welcome.
*Y'all is not in this list because y'all should be aware that y'all is a word. Yousguys on the other hand, is not a word and I pray it never becomes one.
VietCongress
I mean really, I actually just thought this one up last week in class. It obviously doesn't apply to every Congress, just the ones that resemble/support the communist party. So basically all the democratically controlled Congresses. If anyone is offended by this, you are more than welcome to move to China.
"Did y'all hear that law the VietCongress is trying to pass on gun control? Commies."
Whoenall
I mean whoenall says this all the time? Cause I say it every weekend. It's the perfect term for asking about who is going to be at an event, in a class, at the gym, at a party, or whatever. It would take me much longer to say who and all, and I'm pretty sure that's not correct either so I'm cutting some consonants.
"Whoenall is gonna be there?"
Dramastic
I try really hard not to say this word because it just makes so much darn sense. When something is dramatic, it's drastic. And when something is drastic, it's dramatic. So for those really intense situations, you should be able to combine them to imply the increased overall OMG-ness of the situation.
"Miley Cyrus has changed so dramastically. I miss Hannah Montana."
Naca
Ok, so this is a word in Spanish slash Mexican slang, but I have been using it for years because it is just perfection. This is mainly due to the fact that the pronunciation of the word requires equal parts sass and disdain. Naca is like the Latino version of ratchet, but more applicable to everyday people. Like I wouldn't call this girl I'm sitting across from right now who is wearing see through leggings as pants and has a beanie on when it is over 90 degrees outside ratchet, but I would slash already called her naca.
"I don't get Lady Gaga, she looks so naca sometimes. She should change her name to Lady Naca!"
Showma
This term is derived from show and coma. It refers to when you have spent the majority of the day in bed watching an entire season/s of a show on Netflix and you just feel so proud slash disgusted with yourself. Showma is often followed by a Hangshowver.
"I would love to get up and unlock the door for you right now, but I'm in a serious Showma and I still have 2 episodes left. Go away."
De Ja Tune
Does anyone else ever experience this? You're listening to the radio and you think you recognize a song from like a decade ago and then you find out it is a new single? This happens to me frequently with Beyonce, Justin Timberlake and Katy Perry. It's a disorienting experience to say the least.
"Man I can't believe Take Back the Night is new! Must have been de ja tune."
Snarkastic
When a comment is both snarky and sarcastic. Frequently exemplified by females. Girls are almost always snarkastic around other girls they are intimidated by. So if a girl bumps into me, and she is wearing a really cute top, when she says sorry I am going to snarkastically say it's fine instead of the ultra-polite, you're fine I reserve for freshmen and foreign students.
"Ew, I just saw his new girlfriend. I was totes snarkastic to her."
Instacquaintance
When you are friends with someone on social media but not in real life. You don't dislike each other, you've just never spoken. So every time you see them in person you both do the awkward do I make eye contact, how do I talk to them without mentioning that I know their whole life thing. You have stalked them online at least once.
"I can't go talk to her, we're just instacquaintances. But I saw she did recently switch shampoo brands, and I wonder how that's going."
Delta Delta Diva
Anyone in a sorority or fraternity. Naturally, not someone you wanna be friends with.This applies to both males and females because the guys in fraternities can be divas and the girls in sororities definitely are. Can also refer to one who dresses/acts as if they are a part of Greek life. If a guy is wearing Vineyard Vines or a girl is wearing Jack Rogers, there needs to be a specific insult for them. I don't know what's taken the language world so long.
"Ughhh I sit beside a delta delta diva in that class. Kill me now."
Selfstagram
When a girl's instagram is 99% selfies, she has a selfstagram. Selfies every now and then are perfectly ok. Selfies everyday are not. A selfie to show off your new haircut is ok. A selfie to show off your new freckle is not. Girls with selfstagrams are almost always trying to get instafamous (have at least 100 likes on every picture, have over a thousand followers). Unfortunately, this often happens.
"I don't follow her, I don't like selfstagrams. I don't need to be reminded what her face looks like every 2 seconds."
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Back to School Blues
For the past 5 days I have been living in a third world country. I don't mean that I have actually traveled outside of the best country in the world (as if), just that my new house does not have internet yet so it may as well be the slums of France or some other God-forsaken land.
If anyone wants to know why I do not yet have internet, I would be glad to tell you that story. Our internet guy came a few weeks ago, and was attacked by a swarm of yellow jackets living in our internet slash cable slash I don't understand technology box thingy. So he instructed us to email our landlords and have them get rid of the yellow jackets and then email him and he would come back. Sounds easy enough, right? Except for, oh yeah, how are we supposed to do all this emailing with NO INTERNET? We are on the first floor of this building too, so the 3G is non-existent. I have been living with no internet and no television for days.
It was not a liberating experience, it was not a life changing couple of days, it was not what dreams are made of. It sucked. But I have since dragged my butt to campus, gotten the computer guys to perform all those updates I ignore all summer long, and found internet! So let me begin my post for the first week of my junior year of college. Sigh.
The title of this post is a little misleading. I am not actually sad about being back at school. I have been dying to get back to campus since the beginning of July and I actually considered coming back in early May when I realized being home for the summer meant once again sharing a bathroom with my brothers. All the craziness of moving in and classes starting and oh yeah not having internet at my house is frustrating and stressful, but I am glad to be back. There are, however, two things I am not excited about. Classes. And people.
Let me just explain that I am a bit of a nerd. I am actually excited for my classes and interested in the subject matter (except for Advertising Copy and Communication, does anyone know what that even means?). But the actual act of physically walking/busing to class and sitting there for an hour and 15 minutes when I could be sitting at home in my pajamas eating cheese and watching Anastasia? No me gusta. And then there's the "required reading" which at this point in my college career is honestly just cute. It tickles me pink that professors think that they can write the word required in front of something and I will do it or buy it or read it. Not gonna happen people.
That brings me to my second point. People. As I'm typing this I am staring out the window of the library (partially because it freaks people out that I can type without looking at my keyboard and partially because I am looking at a huge line to get into the dining hall for lunch). Campus is just so crowded for like the first month, and the freshman still have on their lanyards from orientation and its all too darling, and by darling I mean this is terrible, I want to die. I don't understand why it takes weeks for the freshman to realize that they don't actually want to eat lunch in the dining hall every meal of every day for the rest of their lives. But it does.
And maybe this is just at my college, but at certain times of the day, literally everyone is in my way. In the middle of pretty much every day, everyone within a 5 mile radius of campus stands around the dining hall talking and laughing and annoying me.
PS - A note to the professor who told us to budget our printing money because we have to print off 30 page articles twice a week for your class...we are college students. We don't run around campus printing things off for poops and giggles. I only print what I absolutely have to and half the time I don't even do that. So can you not?
If anyone wants to know why I do not yet have internet, I would be glad to tell you that story. Our internet guy came a few weeks ago, and was attacked by a swarm of yellow jackets living in our internet slash cable slash I don't understand technology box thingy. So he instructed us to email our landlords and have them get rid of the yellow jackets and then email him and he would come back. Sounds easy enough, right? Except for, oh yeah, how are we supposed to do all this emailing with NO INTERNET? We are on the first floor of this building too, so the 3G is non-existent. I have been living with no internet and no television for days.
It was not a liberating experience, it was not a life changing couple of days, it was not what dreams are made of. It sucked. But I have since dragged my butt to campus, gotten the computer guys to perform all those updates I ignore all summer long, and found internet! So let me begin my post for the first week of my junior year of college. Sigh.
The title of this post is a little misleading. I am not actually sad about being back at school. I have been dying to get back to campus since the beginning of July and I actually considered coming back in early May when I realized being home for the summer meant once again sharing a bathroom with my brothers. All the craziness of moving in and classes starting and oh yeah not having internet at my house is frustrating and stressful, but I am glad to be back. There are, however, two things I am not excited about. Classes. And people.
Let me just explain that I am a bit of a nerd. I am actually excited for my classes and interested in the subject matter (except for Advertising Copy and Communication, does anyone know what that even means?). But the actual act of physically walking/busing to class and sitting there for an hour and 15 minutes when I could be sitting at home in my pajamas eating cheese and watching Anastasia? No me gusta. And then there's the "required reading" which at this point in my college career is honestly just cute. It tickles me pink that professors think that they can write the word required in front of something and I will do it or buy it or read it. Not gonna happen people.
That brings me to my second point. People. As I'm typing this I am staring out the window of the library (partially because it freaks people out that I can type without looking at my keyboard and partially because I am looking at a huge line to get into the dining hall for lunch). Campus is just so crowded for like the first month, and the freshman still have on their lanyards from orientation and its all too darling, and by darling I mean this is terrible, I want to die. I don't understand why it takes weeks for the freshman to realize that they don't actually want to eat lunch in the dining hall every meal of every day for the rest of their lives. But it does.
And maybe this is just at my college, but at certain times of the day, literally everyone is in my way. In the middle of pretty much every day, everyone within a 5 mile radius of campus stands around the dining hall talking and laughing and annoying me.
PS - A note to the professor who told us to budget our printing money because we have to print off 30 page articles twice a week for your class...we are college students. We don't run around campus printing things off for poops and giggles. I only print what I absolutely have to and half the time I don't even do that. So can you not?
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Top Ten Soundtracks of All Time (2013 Edition)
If I'm in my car, in my bedroom, home alone, or home with 10 other people, at the zoo, in a restaurant, wherever, there is a 99% chance I am singing. And I don't mean humming and singing the words I know or mouthing the words like a lady. I mean I am screaming at the top of my lungs and dancing along.
Since I spend so much time singing, who better to give you a list of the best soundtracks? Without further ado, I give you (in no particular order)...my favorite soundtracks.
Grease
I grew up watching this movie at my great aunt's house and to this day I am still shocked when I hear that someone has never seen this gem. I could never pick my favorite Grease song because I would give them all a 23 gazillion on a scale of 1 to 10. If you are between the ages of 0 and 100 you pretty much need to know all the words to Grease Lightening. Grease is the word.
Les Mis
Let me begin by saying that I have not even had the pleasure of seeing this movie yet and I already have the soundtrack memorized. I read this book in high school and all I can tell you about the plot is France, but I can sing every line of One Day More. Just think about it, anything French that I don't loathe, must be pretty darn good.
One Tree Hill
I'm gonna go ahead and say that Peyton's taste in music is terrible. The Cure sucks. Sorry not sorry. But Haley had some great songs, the title track is practically the theme song of my generation, and Non Believer by La Rocca is pure happiness.
Wicked
Again, I have never been to New York nor have I had the pleasure of experiencing the fabulousness that is Idina Menzel in real life, but I know every word to Popular and Defying Gravity even though I can hit none of the notes. Kristin Chenoweth has more talent in her 4 feet than I do in my 3000 pounds.
The Little Mermaid
All little girls obviously love The Little Mermaid and I love Ariel just as much as the next girl, but Part of Your World and Kiss the Girl ain't got nothin on Under the Sea. How can you compete with a hot crustacean band? 20 bonus points to anyone who also loves Timeflies Tuesday's version of Under the Sea.
Pitch Perfect
This soundtrack is aca-awesome and the movie is aca-super fantastic. The Breakfast Club tie in, the mash-ups, the Skylar Astin. Swoon. In this case, the movie is actually just as good as the soundtrack. It's the new Mean Girls.
Tarzan
2 words. Phil. Collins. Phil Collins is a musical genius and hands down the world's best percussionist. His soundtracks always have a totally different, totally awesome sound. Who among us could not dance to Trashing the Camp for hours? Exactly.
Anastasia
I don't even know where to begin. It's all the best. Meg Ryan's voice is too perfect and you can't tell me that Dimitri wasn't based on Shane West. From A Rumor in St. Petersburg to At the Beginning as the credits are rolling, every song is worthy of royalty. Too bad in real life Anya is not Anastasia. Oh yeah, historical spoiler alert.
Degrassi
I know that this show is Canadian, but that's its only flaw. Not only has this show featured several bands and singers over the seasons, but the promo song for every new season automatically becomes my obsession for the next month. Steal Your Heart by Augustana in particular.
The Lorax
Another movie I have yet to see. We tried to show this movie at work and Netflix kept messing up, so we basically watched the first 5 minutes about 10 times. In that first 5 minutes is only the best song ever. I don't even know if there are any other songs in this movie, and I don't care because I can, and have, listened to Thneedville twice a day every day for a week.
Since I spend so much time singing, who better to give you a list of the best soundtracks? Without further ado, I give you (in no particular order)...my favorite soundtracks.
Grease
I grew up watching this movie at my great aunt's house and to this day I am still shocked when I hear that someone has never seen this gem. I could never pick my favorite Grease song because I would give them all a 23 gazillion on a scale of 1 to 10. If you are between the ages of 0 and 100 you pretty much need to know all the words to Grease Lightening. Grease is the word.
Les Mis
Let me begin by saying that I have not even had the pleasure of seeing this movie yet and I already have the soundtrack memorized. I read this book in high school and all I can tell you about the plot is France, but I can sing every line of One Day More. Just think about it, anything French that I don't loathe, must be pretty darn good.
One Tree Hill
I'm gonna go ahead and say that Peyton's taste in music is terrible. The Cure sucks. Sorry not sorry. But Haley had some great songs, the title track is practically the theme song of my generation, and Non Believer by La Rocca is pure happiness.
Wicked
Again, I have never been to New York nor have I had the pleasure of experiencing the fabulousness that is Idina Menzel in real life, but I know every word to Popular and Defying Gravity even though I can hit none of the notes. Kristin Chenoweth has more talent in her 4 feet than I do in my 3000 pounds.
The Little Mermaid
All little girls obviously love The Little Mermaid and I love Ariel just as much as the next girl, but Part of Your World and Kiss the Girl ain't got nothin on Under the Sea. How can you compete with a hot crustacean band? 20 bonus points to anyone who also loves Timeflies Tuesday's version of Under the Sea.
Pitch Perfect
This soundtrack is aca-awesome and the movie is aca-super fantastic. The Breakfast Club tie in, the mash-ups, the Skylar Astin. Swoon. In this case, the movie is actually just as good as the soundtrack. It's the new Mean Girls.
Tarzan
2 words. Phil. Collins. Phil Collins is a musical genius and hands down the world's best percussionist. His soundtracks always have a totally different, totally awesome sound. Who among us could not dance to Trashing the Camp for hours? Exactly.
Anastasia
I don't even know where to begin. It's all the best. Meg Ryan's voice is too perfect and you can't tell me that Dimitri wasn't based on Shane West. From A Rumor in St. Petersburg to At the Beginning as the credits are rolling, every song is worthy of royalty. Too bad in real life Anya is not Anastasia. Oh yeah, historical spoiler alert.
Degrassi
I know that this show is Canadian, but that's its only flaw. Not only has this show featured several bands and singers over the seasons, but the promo song for every new season automatically becomes my obsession for the next month. Steal Your Heart by Augustana in particular.
The Lorax
Another movie I have yet to see. We tried to show this movie at work and Netflix kept messing up, so we basically watched the first 5 minutes about 10 times. In that first 5 minutes is only the best song ever. I don't even know if there are any other songs in this movie, and I don't care because I can, and have, listened to Thneedville twice a day every day for a week.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Monopoly Astrology
You might be embarrassed by it, you might even lie about it, but I'm willing to bet you all know your zodiac signs. Does anyone else remember a few years ago when some of the zodiac signs shifted by a few dates? I realize that this did not affect most people, but I couldn't help but observe that there had to be at least one person who had "aries" tattooed on their body, and now they're a taurus. Think before you ink people!
Anyways, I've always thought it was complete crap to claim that the date of your birth can really explain that much about your personality. To prove my point...Kelly Clarkson and Hitler are born in the same month. Also born in the same month? Ronald Reagan and Paris Hilton. I rest my case.
So I came to the rescue, as usual, and created a fool-proof way to really see who you are compatible with because let's face it, I know what y'all are really using your horoscopes for. This patented method, known as Monopology, will match you with a partner based on what Monopoly pieces you both like to play as. You're welcome.
Wheelbarrow
Compatible with: Iron. You both pay attention to the small details and will argue over who gets to do the housework instead of who has to do it.
Not compatible with: Battleship. They do not understand your "slow and steady" motto and their belligerence will make even you consider violence.
Battleship
Compatible with: Racecar. No one else will appreciate your need to win or tolerate your competitiveness.
Not compatible with: Wheelbarrow. Someone who takes life nice and slow will not work well with your "don't look, just leap" attitude.
Racecar
Compatible with: Money Sack. They have the dough to fuel your need for speed and will be totally on board with your showboating.
Not compatible with: Iron. Their work ethic and sweating the small stuff will really bum you out. And they will pretty much hate your guts.
Thimble
Compatible with: Old Boot. You have the same strong work ethic and don't mind living the simple life.
Not compatible with: Money Sack. Someone who likes cash that much is going to go shopping when clothes tear, not pull out the sewing kit to mend them.
Dog
Compatible with: Racecar. You both have the attention span of a squirrel and often act like 12 year olds. Heck, you might even both be 12 year olds.
Not compatible with: Top Hat. Their sophistication and maturity will bore you while your playfulness and lack of restraint will have them online shopping for Ritalin or animal tranquilizers, whichever is cheaper.
Top Hat
Compatible with: Man on a Horse. You're both sophisticated and refined socialites who appreciate a good party or adventure. Side Note-You also may both be gentlemen. Not much I can do about that, the heart wants what it wants.
Not compatible with: Old Boot. Their lack of showmanship will drive you insane. They expect clothing to be functional and have no time for accessories no matter how dapper. Incorrigible.
Iron
Compatible with: Thimble. You both don't mind putting in the effort to make sure your clothes are looking their best. You could even start a tailoring company together!
Not compatible with: Man on a Horse. They would not even pause to admire your work before wrinkling a crisp plaid button down riding off to the rodeo.
Money Sack
Compatible with: Top Hat. You both appreciate the finer things in life and have no problem throwing cash around.
Not compatible with: Old Boot. "Old" is not even in your vocabulary. You're the type who believes new shoes should be bought before the old ones literally fall apart whereas this guy, not so much into new kicks.
Old Boot
Compatible with: Wheelbarrow. You're both sturdy and dependable and understand that newer doesn't always mean better.
Not compatible with: Dog. Someone that fun-loving would never respect your age and character. You need someone who will admire your hard work, not poop all over it. Literally.
Man on a Horse
Compatible with: Battleship. You both believe in putting on a show and like to travel in style. You both love a good chase and a good battle. This may be the quintessential example of a "bad romance."
Not compatible with: Dog. This is Merica, not Great Britain. A couple can't like horses and dogs. Pick a team.
*DISCLAIMER: You should under no circumstances mate with anyone who always wants to be the banker. These people are obviously very controlling, over finances in particular. Their relationships typically end in divorce or bankruptcy, whichever comes first.
Anyways, I've always thought it was complete crap to claim that the date of your birth can really explain that much about your personality. To prove my point...Kelly Clarkson and Hitler are born in the same month. Also born in the same month? Ronald Reagan and Paris Hilton. I rest my case.
So I came to the rescue, as usual, and created a fool-proof way to really see who you are compatible with because let's face it, I know what y'all are really using your horoscopes for. This patented method, known as Monopology, will match you with a partner based on what Monopoly pieces you both like to play as. You're welcome.
Wheelbarrow
Compatible with: Iron. You both pay attention to the small details and will argue over who gets to do the housework instead of who has to do it.
Not compatible with: Battleship. They do not understand your "slow and steady" motto and their belligerence will make even you consider violence.
Battleship
Compatible with: Racecar. No one else will appreciate your need to win or tolerate your competitiveness.
Not compatible with: Wheelbarrow. Someone who takes life nice and slow will not work well with your "don't look, just leap" attitude.
Racecar
Compatible with: Money Sack. They have the dough to fuel your need for speed and will be totally on board with your showboating.
Not compatible with: Iron. Their work ethic and sweating the small stuff will really bum you out. And they will pretty much hate your guts.
Thimble
Compatible with: Old Boot. You have the same strong work ethic and don't mind living the simple life.
Not compatible with: Money Sack. Someone who likes cash that much is going to go shopping when clothes tear, not pull out the sewing kit to mend them.
Dog
Compatible with: Racecar. You both have the attention span of a squirrel and often act like 12 year olds. Heck, you might even both be 12 year olds.
Not compatible with: Top Hat. Their sophistication and maturity will bore you while your playfulness and lack of restraint will have them online shopping for Ritalin or animal tranquilizers, whichever is cheaper.
Top Hat
Compatible with: Man on a Horse. You're both sophisticated and refined socialites who appreciate a good party or adventure. Side Note-You also may both be gentlemen. Not much I can do about that, the heart wants what it wants.
Not compatible with: Old Boot. Their lack of showmanship will drive you insane. They expect clothing to be functional and have no time for accessories no matter how dapper. Incorrigible.
Iron
Compatible with: Thimble. You both don't mind putting in the effort to make sure your clothes are looking their best. You could even start a tailoring company together!
Not compatible with: Man on a Horse. They would not even pause to admire your work before wrinkling a crisp plaid button down riding off to the rodeo.
Money Sack
Compatible with: Top Hat. You both appreciate the finer things in life and have no problem throwing cash around.
Not compatible with: Old Boot. "Old" is not even in your vocabulary. You're the type who believes new shoes should be bought before the old ones literally fall apart whereas this guy, not so much into new kicks.
Old Boot
Compatible with: Wheelbarrow. You're both sturdy and dependable and understand that newer doesn't always mean better.
Not compatible with: Dog. Someone that fun-loving would never respect your age and character. You need someone who will admire your hard work, not poop all over it. Literally.
Man on a Horse
Compatible with: Battleship. You both believe in putting on a show and like to travel in style. You both love a good chase and a good battle. This may be the quintessential example of a "bad romance."
Not compatible with: Dog. This is Merica, not Great Britain. A couple can't like horses and dogs. Pick a team.
*DISCLAIMER: You should under no circumstances mate with anyone who always wants to be the banker. These people are obviously very controlling, over finances in particular. Their relationships typically end in divorce or bankruptcy, whichever comes first.
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