Remember that time that Joseph's brothers did him dirty and sold him into slavery? But then he turned lemons into lemonade (not water into wine, that was Jesus) and saved everyone from famine and got to be the boss of a lot of people? Remember that? Well that's over now. There's a new pharaoh in town.
This pharaoh don't really know Joseph like that so he puts all of the Israelites into slavery. But then he also made a law that every Israelite baby born a boy must be thrown into the Nile. Did he want to stop the growth of slavery? Technically that policy would make for less slaves. Was he just ahead of his time? Who's to say?
A Levite woman named Jochebed chose not to have a gender reveal party because she didn't want the Egyptians to find out if it was a boy. But it was a boy and she named him Moses. Moses’s mother hid him for as long as she could, it was like an episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant but LONGER. Eventually, to save his life she had to put him in a papyrus (the plant, not the font) basket and leave him in the Nile River where he would hopefully float to safety and not to crocodiles. She coated the basket in tar so water wouldn't leak through and that is why I think Moses would be a tar heel.
Moses's sister Miriam watched to see what would happen because she heard about how that "am I my brother's keeper?" line had gone over when Cain used it. Moses really hit the adoption jackpot because Pharaoh’s daughter found him so he was like royalty now. He’s the Meghan Markle of Egypt. Moses grew up but he became angry with how Pharaoh treated the Israelites because Moses was woke. One day he saw an Egyptian beating an Israelite and he murked the guy on the spot. But he didn’t want to get in trouble with Pharaoh so he did the race way before Tay-K and fled.
Moses ended up hiding out in Midian. He spotted some girls who were drawing water when some shepherds came to the well and were manspreading so there was no room left for the girls. Moses gave 'em the business and made them leave so the girls could get water and then he married one of those Midianite women named Zipporah in a very touching bonfire ceremony if the 90s blockbuster The Prince of Egypt is historically accurate.
God appeared to Moses as a burning bush and told him to go back to Egypt to deliver the Hebrews from Pharaoh. Moses wasn’t taking sleeping pills at the time so he knew it was the real deal. Moses was worried he couldn't do it but God was like Moses, it's not about you, it's about me. So Moses packed up his family and headed to Egypt where Moses gave Pharaoh the businesses. But Pharaoh wanted to throw hands. So God sent 10 plagues because Pharaoh didn’t think Moses was really 'bout that life, but he was. The plagues included but were not limited to: water turned into blood, frogs, flies, boils, locusts and death.
After a plague that killed all the firstborns, Pharaoh let everyone go but then he was like psych and sent guards to go bring them back. The Israelites were taking the long way to the Red Sea because God had done had it with them. So the Egyptians caught up with them and the Israelites were like OMG. Not like taking the Lord's name in vain but like literally God help us pls. God was like stop being so dramatic and then He split the Red Sea so the Israelites could escape but as Pharaoh’s army followed them into the parted sea, God closed it and hit them with that Johnny Tsunami action. It was lit, fam.
