MBTI'm in Anaheim

Greetings from the West Coast! I'm in California for work this week and I'll be visiting Universal Studios Hollywood and Disneyland. It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it. Since I'm bouncing between The Wizarding World of Harry Potter and California Adventure, I decided to create MBTI profiles for both fandoms. So whether you prefer Universal, like me, or Disney, like everyone else I know, keep reading to find out which characters you're most like.

If you have never taken the Myers-Briggs personality test because you only take Buzzfeed quizzes, I completely understand. I have simplified the process below. Choose E or I, S or N, T or F and J or P to get your 4 letter Myers-Briggs type. You can also search MBTI and take an online version of the test like this one, but there are several others choose from.

E/I - Energy
Extroversion/introversion is a measure of how you get energy. If you enjoy being around others and get recharged from spending time with people, you're probably an extrovert like me! If you need your alone time to get energized you're an introvert like Brendan!

S/N - Information
Sensing/intuition measures how you prefer to take in information. Sensing people like facts, numbers, the concrete here and now. Sensers generally prefer math and history. Intuitive people prefer thinking of the future, abstract ideas and possibilities like language. Intuitives are more likely to enjoy reading and daydreaming.

T/F - Decision-making
Thinking/feeling refers to how you make decisions. Thinkers tend to be more focused on justice and practicality whereas feelers make decisions based on how others will feel. Thinkers are the tough love kind and feelers are the fun parents.

J/P - Schedule
Judging/perceiving measures how you like to arrange your time. Judging people like to have a routine and a set schedule, they need plans and order like civilized human beings. Perceiving people like to leave their time open to take whatever opportunities might come up, they don't need a plan or a routine and they're monsters.

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ISTJ - The Examiner
Disney -  Belle (Beauty and the Beast)
HP - Severus Snape
ISTJs are responsible and proud, they enjoy critical thinking and problem solving. Like finding a way out of imprisonment whether you're being held captive by a monster or your unrequited love for a dead woman. Although...I suppose neither Belle nor Snape really ever got out of those respective predicaments.

ISFJ - The Defender
Disney - Mulan (Mulan)
HP - Neville Longbottom
Obviously Mulan is going to be the defender of the Disney realm, and all of China. And Neville achieved defender status when he samuraied Nagini. Oh...spoiler alert. ISFJs are reserved, analytical and fiercely protective over loved ones and dragons that sound like Eddie Murphy.

INFJ - The Counselor
Disney - Genie (Aladdin)
HP - Remus Lupin
You ain't never had a friend like an INFJ. Counselors are idealists who will do anything they can to help their friends, except turn them into a prince. The most they're willing to do in that department is give you some princely props.

INTJ - The Strategist
Disney - Yzma (The Emperor's New Groove)
HP - Dobby 
INTJs are the ultimate planners. They plot and scheme to meet their goals of killing llamas or maiming wizards. Strategists are curious, decisive and ambitious. I would recommend making an INTJ your maid of honor, party planner or cat.

ISTP - The Craftsman
Disney - Fairy Godmother (Cinderella)
HP - Harry Potter
Craftsmen (and women) are virtuosos who hone their skills and work their magic. Known to get their hands dirty and explore, the ISTPs of the world are confident in their ability to effect change for people and pumpkins alike.

ISFP - The Artist
Disney - Alice (Alice in Wonderland)
HP - Nymphadora Tonks
Artists like Alice and Tonks see the world differently. They like to be adventurous with their tea parties and hair colors. ISFPs get curiouser and curiouser every day.

INFP - The Dreamer
Disney - Rapunzel (Tangled)
HP - Luna Lovegood
INFPs have very active imaginations, see the good in everything and value harmony. They keep their head in the clouds and their blonde hair all over the place. Dreamers have been known to clean, cook, read, read, paint and have really weird glasses.

INTP - The Architect
Disney - Elsa (Frozen)
HP - Lucius Malfoy
The exact opposite of me, INTPs are builders who understand the importance of a solid foundation of ice, evil and hair bleach. Architects are known for their understanding of logistics, innovation and luscious white hair.

ESTP - The Promoter
Disney - Moana (Moana)
HP - Fred & George Weasley
ESTPs have big ideas and they'll risk anything to get them out there, especially if that means a chance to be the center of attention. Whether you're in charge of a joke shop or an island, there's no telling how far you'll go. Steady as The Rock. You'll find success no matter where you are. Okay, I'm done now.

ESFP - The Performer
Disney - Megara (Hercules)
HP - Bellatrix Lestrange
My personal favorites (I'm ONE letter away), performers are spontaneous, excitable and energetic. I won't say I'm in love with ESFPs, but lestranger things have happened.

ENFP - The Champion
Disney - Merida (Brave)
HP - Ron Weasley
Merida and Ron are true ENFPs, free spirits who can fit in anywhere from the chessboard to the archery...range? Field? Court? The fiery red hair isn't a requirement, but a fiery attitude is.

ENTP - The Inventor
Disney - Flik (A Bug's Life)
HP - Hermione Granger
Full of ingenuity, quick wit and fabulous ideas, inventors love to work smarter, not harder even if that means turning into a bird or cat. Smart enough to take on evil grasshoppers and stupid Jack Russell terriers, kind enough to use their powers for good. And grains.

ESTJ - The Supervisor
Disney - Zazu (The Lion King)
HP - Dolores Umbridge
I hate comparing Zazu to the most evil character in the entire Harry Potter franchise, but here we are. ESTJs value order, and I'm not talking about the Order of the Phoenix. Supervisors are known to stand up for tradition, rules and pink.

ESFJ - The Provider
Disney - Simba (The Lion King) 
HP - Narcissa Malfoy
ESFJs are caregivers, they just want to keep everyone happy like yours truly. Say what you will about Cissy, she has her character flaws, but her only goal was to protect Draco and in the end her love for him made Harry's victory possible. And Simba's mad decent too.

ENFJ - The Teacher
Disney - Mr. Ray (Finding Nemo)
HP - Albus Dumbledore
Ahhh, the teachers. ENFJs are real people persons (I think people people sounds better) who are excellent at guiding others, imparting wisdom and growing sick beards. Show the ENFJs in your life a little love May 1st - 5th for Teacher Appreciation Week.

ENTJ - The Maverick
Disney - Ariel (The Little Mermaid)
HP - Sirius Black
Mavericks have big dreams, charisma and can easily adapt to new situations so they're never a fish out of water (good one Rachel). ENTJs are curious, flexible and misunderstood, like you were in middle school.

Raetraction: Easter Update

After enough people asked my mother if she enjoyed my blog post last week, she finally read it on Friday and was less than thrilled with the way I remembered things, also known as the truth. Even though freedom of the press is a fundamental right in any democracy, my mother has reminded me that our family is more of a cheerocracy and she's Big Red. She ordered a raetraction.

My precious but delusional mother even went through the attic to find an old basket that she claims is proof that my brother was visited by the Easter Bunny at least once. I would like to point out that a picture of a basket proves nothing other than internet access. Google image search Easter basket right now I'm sure you'll find a ton of them. This "Easter basket" didn't have anything in it. So even if my mother had proof that this basket was purchased for and given to my brother, there were no pastel Peeps, Reese's Eggs or chocolate bunnies that prove it was an Easter basket. For all we know it could have been an Arbor Day basket or a President's Day basket or an Autumnal Equinox basket. 

I suppose, if you believe in multiverse theory, there's a universe out there where my parents got us Easter baskets every year and Lexie Gray is still alive and Farrah Abraham isn't famous. But that is certainly not the version of reality I grew up with.

So imagine my surprise when I came home to 3 Easter baskets! My excitement waned a tad once I realized that 2 of them were for my brothers but I did manage to exchange my Twix and Lemonheads for Twizzlers. Sorry Patrick. 

But it must be said that these baskets were from church. Not that I don't appreciate them, but grabbing 2 extra baskets doesn't exactly make up for 23 years of neglect. I'm sure my parents contributed candy and helped fill the baskets on Wednesday night so I thanked them and placed the emptied plastic eggs into my brother's basket to be taken back to church and re-used next year. Like God intended.

And do y'all know what that child did with them? HE THREW THEM IN THE TRASH. LIKE A RICH KID. He knows good and well that we serve the Lord from a Title I church. 

Ever since my other brother went to college Colby has been an only child and it's making him a little spoiled. Give a kid an inch of parental attention and he'll want a mile of fresh plastic eggs. What's next? He starts expecting popcorn at the movies? He orders an appetizer? He wants us to replace his mattress every 10 years instead of every 30?!

The child is out of control. Now you guys see why we "accidentally" left him at church so many times. Had to try to keep him humble.

That all went out the window with last week's post. Now everyone feels bad that we all grew up without Easter baskets, as if last week's post was a "terror in your own backyard" special interest piece. My Aunt Carla gave me and my brothers Easter gifts and yesterday my little cousin gave me a chocolate bunny to take to Colby. When a 5-year-old takes pity on your lack of candy, you know you've had it pretty rough.

But I really don't want everyone to think we were neglected. Sure, there are definitely some celebrity pets that got treated better than me and my siblings but Oprah's dogs are living better than at least 30% of America so we're not alone.

My brothers and I want to thank each and every one of you for the phone calls, comments, letters and gifts. But we (and by we I mean I) feel bad for being so dramatic. So here are some actual charities you can support to help those in need.

For every dollar donated, I will have no way of knowing but I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Against Malaria Foundation
Carolina For the Kids Foundation
Feeding America
Girls Who Code
Samaritan's Purse
Stand With Standing Rock
The Water Project 
Wounded Warrior Project 

I Hate the Easter Bunny

For as long as I can remember, one of my biggest fears has been people dressed as rabbits. I think it all stems from this creepy Wee Sing Together VHS that my aunt had. We used to watch the video  after playing our favorite game of "stay outside until lunch" with sippy cups full of Dr. Pepper for my cousins and covered eyes for me. The character Little Bunny Foo Foo terrified me. Who is this alleged "bunny" because it's obviously a human dressed as a rabbit so he's not little. And why does he think he can just bop those meecy mice on their heads?

That frightening image coupled with the fact that literally every Easter Bunny costume makes Donnie Darko look like Sesame Street has led to a lifelong fear and general mistrust of this rabbit that is for some reason associated with the resurrection of Christ. People dressed as animals in non-mascot situations scare me the way that normal people are afraid of clowns or snakes or Carrot Top. Rameses, Mr. Wuf, Hugo the Hornet? Fine. The Chick-fil-A cow? Nope.

My feelings didn't warm when I grew up without the baskets, candy and toys that my friends had grown accustomed to. Instead of  chocolate bunnies, I got an Easter dress every year. And eventually my mother even let me pick them out myself! My brothers and I didn't go without, my parents aren't actually poor they just spend money like they're poor. We got plenty of Easter candy at church and I have the dental records to prove it. But since we never got Easter baskets piled high with trinkets and treats, my youngest brother grew up loathing this rabbit who year after year failed to lavish him with chocolate eggs and gummy carrots.

One Easter Sunday at children's church all the little kids were supposed to discuss how Jesus is the true meaning of Easter. But before they arrived at that conclusion, my brother burst into tears, yelling "I hate the Easter Bunny! He never comes to my house!"

It was the most hilarious thing for me and the most embarrassing thing for my parents. He was so angered that this mythical bunny would visit all of his friends, leaving candy, money and toys when the most he ever got Easter morning was leftover candy from the previous day's egg hunt to help him stay awake through sunrise service.

Last weekend, our grandparents took pity on him and bought him a huge chocolate bunny. When I asked him how he got them to buy him a piece of chocolate bigger than his head, he responded with genuine confusion as to why I wasn't aware of his years of resurrection-related plight. "What? I've never had an Easter basket."

I was aware of this but I also remembered this child being obsessed with chocolate bunnies, a prize he would select year after year after finding more that his fair share of eggs at our church's Easter egg hunt. When I reminded him that while he may not have an Easter basket to his name, he has definitely had chocolate bunnies before, he confirmed with a confident "Yeah, from church. Those little kids couldn't stop me." Spoken like a true Capitalist.

Due to my history with humans dressed as rabbits, I have come to the conclusion that my future children will NEVER be getting pictures taken with the Easter Bunny. And if their grandparents have any problem with that, they can buy them Easter baskets and after I eat all the candy the kids can take pictures in those.