Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Paint by Number

This past week was my first official week of summer break and that pretty much consisted of sleeping and painting. And going to the bathroom whenever I want, that was pretty sweet.

The first series of paintings I did was based on the playbills and posters for some of my favorite musicals. I plan to put them in my classroom to open a dialogue about difficult issues that teenagers face like:   

loving yourself, interracial relationships, 

immigration, political scandals,

families, mental illness,

puberty, abuse,

and of course witchcraft.

Thanks to way too much free time those paintings were finished sooner than I predicted so I needed something else to occupy my hands while I watch reality TV. I had a request to complete some marbled paintings. These are done using a technique called acrylic pour or dirty cup pour or lots of combinations of those words. I call it cupping and let's be real, I'm Michael Phelps.


One of my friends mentioned that these paintings look kind of like geodes and I LOVE the geode trend. I have received a lot of interest in these and I am considering opening an Etsy shop when I get back but I have to let you guys in on a little secret...it's not hard. I promise you can do it.

All you do is pour some acrylic paint into a cup somewhat strategically. I like to do circles or half and half, squiggles when I'm feeling fancy. Then you hold the canvas over the cup, flip both over and wait a second for the paint to all fall to the canvas. I normally sing one show tune during this time just to be safe. Once you remove the cup you do have to tilt the canvas to move the paint around and cover the space. That part is admittedly pretty annoying. You will probably have to refill your cup, for smaller areas I use a shot glass, no joke, sometimes I get bored and move the paint where I want it with my fingers. Once you have the canvas covered you better be prepared to WAIT. I would say a solid 24 hours for sure. It is a thick layer of paint so it takes awhile to dry. Other sources recommend giving it a week to dry. 

Pros
  • easy (I promise it won't look terrible unless you pick ugly colors.)
  • if you don't like a pour you can cover it with another cup
  • looks (somewhat) professional according to my Facebook friends
  • can make several canvases in the same style to cover a larger space

Cons
  • takes 5 years to dry (that is my standard unit for anything that takes too long)
  • uses A LOT of paint (paint costs money)
  • kind of messy, you need a big area to hold the canvas over because it will drip off the sides
  • frustrating to get the painting to spread where you need it to go

If anyone wants to try it I am happy to give advice, or if you would rather pay me to do it, it would be my pleasure.

This is the other painting I do a lot. My friends refer to them as the love birds but love is stupid so I just think of them as the birds with weak neck muscles that cause them to lean on each other. This is on 3 separate canvases and these are surprisingly simple to make too. More difficult than cupping and you definitely get better with practice but I have painted like 10 of these now and they get easier for me every time. And you can add more birds as needed, I made my grandmother one with a bird for every grandchild. She has yet to hang it up...maybe she only wanted a Rachel bird? I also painted one with a baby bird in between for a friend's baby shower.

Tomorrow I am going to attempt something similar, one tree silhouette over a rainbow background. Sometimes I get lazy and don't feel like pouring out my paint and washing my brushes but at the end of the day, paint is like 30 cents a bottle and therapy is 40 dollars a session, my hands are tied.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Bracketology: Real Housewives

March might be mad but my favorite sport is more of a summer affair. Real Housewives! I set up this bracket so that amateurs can really get a feel for the game. These rankings aren't approved by our commissioner, Andy Cohen, they are based on my personal preferences. None of this is canon.


You'll see that in NYC, Kelly Bensimon takes the 11th rank even though I am very much on the record saying she is my least favorite housewife of all time. She only gets the 11th ranking because 12-16 have much less significance in the series. And of course Queen B goes on to the final four.

Real Housewives of New York City

In the O.C. it's the OG Vicki Gunvalson that takes the #1 seed, but her daughter Brianna upsets her to advance. It was very close between Jeana and Brianna but Brianna's longevity pushed her ahead of Ms. Keough.

Real Housewives of Orange County

For Beverly Hills, most analysts would have given Erika Jayne the top prize but personal preference forces me to award Ms. Glanville the honor. I stan Brandi. Hard.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Teresa put up quite the fight, literally, but Caroline is the real matriarch of Jersey. In my heart, if not on the books, Gia Giudice was a close second.

Real Housewives of New Jersey

In the end it came down to Brianna Culberson and Brandi Glanville. Such a tight race. We all know how much I love Brandi but ultimately Brianna has been a calming and rational presence on the series since the beginning. So she's our MVP. But with new seasons, cities and spin-offs being released all the time, things can change with the throw of a class, so stay tuned.

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Dorm Room Karaoke: Hey Keegan

Today I am sharing another dorm room karaoke classic in honor of the bluetooth microphone I got for $10 thanks to Toys"R"Us going out of business. Thanks capitalism! Owning this microphone has been one of the greatest joys of my life but it has also been a rollercoaster of emotions.

When I first tried to use it, the bluetooth kept disconnecting randomly, I couldn't even get through an entire song. I decided to charge it for a bit, not really seeing how that could be the problem but I know nothing about technology so recharging was really the only idea I had. After some QCT (quality charging time) I tried to demonstrate how it worked for my cousins and it wouldn't even connect to my phone.

I threatened to email Toys"R"Us and tell them they had lost a customer...but quickly realized they are losing all of their customers...so I was doomed to a life $10 poorer all because I dared to dream. But as I walked to the bedroom to charge it yet again (I told you I'm bad with technology) I heard the promising beep-boop of a successful connection! Now it works like a charm and I am already annoying friends, family, co-workers, past and future students with it.

Here is the feedback I received from a former student.

Her enthusiasm is palpable.

Today's song is a remix of Hey Stephen by Taylor Swift. It is about a real guy. Really named Keegan. That I maybe had a tiny, uncontrollable crush on. We were totally partners in Spanish class one day but it's like, not even a big deal.




Hey Kegan

Mmmmmmmmmm
Mmmmmmmmmm

Hey Keegan I know you don’t know who I am
But I know that I was meant for you
As you walked by, I could tell you were my man,
But I’ve never said 2 words to you

If all the girls get to know you and become your friends
I’ll be there on your corner hoping that it ends

Hey Keegan you already have me believing that
I don’t wanna be alone

'Cause I can’t help it if you make me laugh
Can’t help it if I think that you’re all that, so
Come share this laughter I been laughin' since I met you
Can’t help it that you’re the best
Mmm I want you to myself

Mmmmmmmmm

Hey Keegan I’m not holding back these feelings
So why won’t you get back to me?

I sent you 20 messages when I got your email
From our school directory

Way you joke, way I laugh, wish you knew my name
It’s beautiful, magical, I’m really not insane

Hey Keegan why are you always sleepin'
When I stare into your window?

'Cause I can’t help it if you make me laugh
Can’t help it if I think that you’re all that, so
Come share this laughter I been laughin' since I met you
Can’t help it that you’re the best
Mmm I want you to myself

They’re dimming the streetlights
While I’m waiting outside
Why didn’t you come home?

I’m waiting alone now
I just heard a wolf howl
And I can’t find my phooone

Help, help, help

Hey Keegan I can give you 50 reasons why I should be the one you choose
All those other girls, well they’re normal, but would they remix this song for you?
Ha ha

I can’t help it if you make me laugh
Can’t help it if I think that you’re all that, so
Come share this laughter I been laughin' since I met you
Can’t help it that you’re the best
Mmm I want you to myseeelf

'Cause you make me laugh
Can’t help it if I think that you’re all that, so
Come share this laughter I been laughin' since I met you
Can’t help it that you’re the best
Mmm I want you to myself

Myseeeeelf

Mmmmmm

The police are coming nowwww
They’re taking me awayyyyyy ay ay

Mmmmmm

Restraining order, restraining order
Why’d it have to end this way?

Mmmmmmmmmmmm

Call me?

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Teacher Appreciation

The school year is coming to a close and I'm getting all sentimental. I'm really going to miss my kids over the next few months so I've been reading their yearbook messages and cards and my personal favorite, the paper flower charts that I strongly suggested they fill out for me during Teacher Appreciation Week.

Here are some of my favorite petals.

Sometimes I feel like they don't listen...
 

but they are clearly getting the key points,

and honestly singing might make absorbing new material even easier, who's to say?

Maybe I forced their hands a tad.

But you're always going to have your haters,
 

(PS...that's literally what my job is.)

and your students who forget what subject you teach,

and complain because you have, on occasion, been known to make students "do stuff," you monster.


But at the end of the day I think they wish me happiness...


...or something similar.

(I love how this response says "ideally she would have a boyfriend but I recognize that may be out of reach so let's shoot for a boyfriend equivalent." I appreciate that they're thinking critically about the reality of my potential and planning accordingly. I taught them how to do that.)

They don't always have the best ideas,


or the draw the right conclusions,


and sometimes they say strange things that also happen to be the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.

But they also give me compliments,

and don't lie about my refusal to participate in corporal punishment.
(I love this response because I imagine a student thinking "hmm...something good I can say about my teacher..." and then they got nothing so they think "what is the bare minimum of success as an educator? well...she has yet to resort to physical violence." and this is where they ended up.)

So I do worry about them. Thanks to the Tide Pod Challenge part of my curriculum is now "if it's not food, don't eat it" and even that needed to be reviewed.

But I only worry because...


Finally...an interesting point, maybe I will try it some time.