My students say some of the [fill in the blank]est things. I love them. A lot. But whoever said there's no such thing as a stupid question was CLEARLY never a teacher. I have compiled a list of some of my (least) favorite student questions/comments, along with the answers that I sometimes wish I could give.
When they have been absent...
Did I miss anything yesterday?
- Nope, not a thing, nothing important happens here ever.
Did y'all do anything yesterday?
- Sure didn't, we all sat here in complete silence for 90 minutes in memory of you.
When you hand out an assignment...
Do we have to do all of these?
- No I actually think public schools are OVER funded so I wanted to even the scales a little by wasting some ink, pick your favorite number and just do that one.
Is this graded?
- Of course not, everything is made up & the points don't matter, I just thought this would be a fun test for us all to take, you know, for fun.
When they check their grades...
But I turned that in!
- Ok I get that you think that, I really do. But do you understand that I can't just "take your word for it" or the whole system collapses? "Hey IRS! I paid my taxes, trust me, I totally remember doing that."
*points to an assignment on their computer
What is this?
- Let's see, what is the Unit 1 Study Guide? Probably that paper I passed out that said Unit 1 Study Guide at the top. That would probably be the one.
When they are turning in an assignment...
*stands in front of my desk that is clear except for one obvious stack of paper
Where do I turn it in? / Here?
- Yes, that pile that is clearly the worksheet you just did would be an excellent place for you to put your completed worksheet.
Miss, you didn't give me that paper.
- So I passed out 29 copies of this worksheet and specifically chose to exclude you, an act of aggression you did not notice until right now when the assignment is due? Or you misplaced a paper? Which of these scenarios is more likely?
When they have a test...
What is the test on?
- You know how for the last few weeks we have been working on Unit 2, customer decision making? Well the test is on notable architecture of the 20th century.
Is it open note?
- A-no. And B-y'all don't even take notes unless I make you. And even then you throw it away once it's graded. What notes are you gonna use? The pages where you played tic-tac-toe last week?
At literally all hours of every day 24/7 for always...
Do I have any missing assignments?
- Okay hang on a second let me check my mental rolodex for which of my 90 students has and hasn't turned in each assignment.
Did you grade __________?
- Do you see a grade for it online? No? then No.
Where?
- Let's try checking the location that I literally just instructed you to go to.
Miss, am I your favorite?
- if you have to ask...
