Chickaplao*

In honor of the one-person production of Hamilton that I am BEGGING my school to let me produce-they keep rejecting the idea, throwing around terms like "STUDENT casting only" and "physically impossible" and "legal issues"-I've created an astrology chart so you can match your stars to your favorite Hamilton characters. Some of you will end up as Peggys. I'm sorry. Remember there are no small roles only virtually unnecessary ones.

Aries - The Bold
Hamilton character - Hercules Mulligan
Hamilton song - Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down)
You're a vibrant individual who will stop at nothing and you make a mean "yo mamma" joke. But you also have a tendency to introduce yourself and then tell everyone that you "need no introduction" so make up your mind.

Taurus - The Generous
Hamilton character - Marquis de Lafayette
Hamilton song - Guns and Ships
You're the real star (at least of Disc 1). An amazing friend, you are adored by all for your selflessness and willingness to lend a hand. (Did I mention I'm a Taurus?) Always happy to spare some ammo to help out a friend, no one has "more resilience or matches [your] practical tactical brilliance". At least no one that I can think of.

Gemini - The Expressive
Hamilton character - Maria Reynolds
Hamilton song - Say No To This
You have no problem telling everyone what you want, what you do have a problem with is respecting boundaries and spelling your name phonetically. (Mariah = Mariah, Maria = Maria) (I trust that you all read those names in your head with the appropriate pronunciations) I guess when you sang "I don't know about any letter!" that was in reference to the letter H?

Cancer - The Nurturer
Hamilton character - Eliza Schuyler Hamilton
Hamilton song - That Would Be Enough
You just want everyone to get along and let you take care of them. You really are the "best of wives and best of women" and they always get cheated on! (See: Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock, Halle Berry) You may also be a witch...how did you know Philip would be a boy? I did some research, they did not have ultrasounds back then. I'm still on hold with the MythBusters but definitely looking into this.

Leo - The Confident
Hamilton character - King George III
Hamilton song - You'll Be Back
Your confidence, while charming, is misplaced. You're like the Voldemort to George Eacker's Umbridge. But I am going to have to try your strategy of killing "friends and family to remind you of my love" this Valentine's Day. It sounds cheaper than flowers/chocolate.

Virgo - The Practical
Hamilton character - Angelica Schuyler
Hamilton song - Satisfied
You're a master puppeteer, pulling all the strings so that what should happen, does. A trophy wife after my own heart, you know what qualities really count in a man. Like money. And not being married to your sister. And more money. When men say you're "intense" or "insane" what they really mean is "intimidating" and (still) "insane".

Libra - The Fair
Hamilton character - George Washington
Hamilton song - One Last Time
Noble. Brave. Capable. Incomparable. With wisdom far beyond your years (or your nation's years) you set the precedent. Here's to your "own vine and fig tree, a moment alone in the shade" and giving that punk Charles Lee a good what for. Don't EVER talk about the pride of Mount Vernon like that again.

Scorpio - The Intense
Hamilton character - Alexander Hamilton
Hamilton song - My Shot
Young. Scrappy. Hungry (aren't we all?). You're an amazing supporting character since we all know Angelica is the star of the show. One tiny suggestion - if you're gonna sing about not throwing away your shot for an entire musical...maybe take your own advice? Or maybe stop imagining death, that was like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sagittarius - The Independent
Hamilton character - John Laurens
Hamilton song - Aaron Burr, Sir
Those red coats don't want it with you. You knew "we'll never be free until we end slavery" long before the rest of the nation came around because you're an independent thinker. But you really should have shot Charles Lee in the mouth..."that would've shut him up".

Capricorn - The Focused
Hamilton character - Aaron Burr
Hamilton song - Wait For It
You sir, make some excellent points. But you also kill Hamilton which kind of cancels out the lyrical genius of "I'm not standing still I am lying in wait." We all have frenemies. We don't all shoot our frenemies in a duel because we're mad no one trusts us after a lifetime of lying. (Okay some of us do but that can't become the norm or civilization will collapse.)

Aquarius - The Bright
Hamilton character - Thomas Jefferson
Hamilton song - What'd I Miss
You're exceptionally brilliant, my only complaint is that you're a Francophile. (Okay, a few other complaints but let's not get into that now) Your bromance with James Madison is adorable, your defense of slavery is not. And don't make Sally open your mail. If you can write the Declaration of Independence I think you can manage reading your own letters. Although to be fair, I guess mail theft wasn't a federal crime back then.

Pisces - The Peaceful
Hamilton character - Peggy Schuyler
Hamilton song - The Schuyler Sisters
You're probably a teacher's pet who has never been out past curfew. Which is awesome! (In case my little brothers are reading this.) You just want to stay out of trouble and that's really all there is to say about you because "well-behaved women seldom make history" -Kim Kardashian.

* Today marked not an end but a (God willing, brief) pause to the Ham4Ham live performances. If you have yet to see Renee (my queen) Elise Goldsberry perform the scrapped track Congratulations, do yourself a favor and head over to YouTube.

Back to School

This week some of my former students are starting college. I think that's supposed to make me feel old but I'm still a 12 year old at heart so I'm just jealous of them. In the spirit of going back to school, I wanted to write a post about some of the most cringe-worthy moments of my collegiate career to show freshmen that college isn't so scary. No matter how many times you make a complete fool of yourself, you will survive. So read about me being completely ridiculous, realize how awesome and relatively unscathed I am now and remember that what doesn't kill you makes you funnier.

Picture it. Junior year. I have recently been appointed to the 2015 Executive Board of the Carolina For the Kids Foundation. I'm scampering around campus with that I'm-important glow, preparing for another afternoon of subchair interviews. I'm with some friends in the CFTK office when they see their friend Hunter (name has not been changed, anonymity is for punks). My crazy friends who have known me for all of a week at this point, dare me to go give him a pickup line. How did they know I would do it? Like I said, they'd known me for a full week so they knew daring me was a sure thing. I politely walk up to poor Hunter who was just trying to study, bless his heart, and ask "On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?" wait for him to respond that he isn't that free because he has a test and then walk away. Once back in the office, I promptly friend him on my newly created Facebook and then send him an engagement request. Later that day, after several well wishes from our Facebook friends, the poor kid has his subchair interview with me and my friends who put me up to all of this. So we of course decide to make it a comfortable environment for him by decorating the interview room in honor of our love.

Yeah that's a dry erase save the date for our impending nuptials. In his interview I introduced myself as his fiance and asked the follow up question "You said you had a test tomorrow so you're not free tonight. Would you consider that communist China not free or North Korea not free or what?" That initial meeting aside, I assure you we went on to become great friends. 

Pics cause it happened.

Fast forward to the start of senior year. I had finally made friends, had a foolproof path to graduation, had my own CFTK committee...it really should have been my time. So explain this.

 

You're currently looking at a picture of me using a shirt pocket as a cup holder. 

This is a triple extra large shirt that I wore (wear) as a dress.

Sassy photo courtesy of Jean-Luc.

Next we have the time I fell down in the Pit during CRW. CRW stands for committee recruitment week. All week I was supposed to convince students to sign up to join my committee and essentially hang out slash work with me. I had one job. Instead the bricks tripped me up and I ended up on the ground, in the center of campus while probably hundreds of potential committee members looked on, drawn in by my charisma.

I stayed down longer than I'm proud of. 

The good news is that I then became this meme (again thanks to Jean-Luc) that I believe is widely used to recruit new students to UNC.

Despite the above incident, I did end up with a wonderful committee! I was obsessed with all of my committee members so I planned a committee bonding retreat, baked some snacks and invited them all to my house. Here's some pics of all the fun we had that night.

 Wow! Hope I made enough food!

Me and all my friends.

I had to eat all the cookies I made by myself. That's not exactly a complaint.

I'm starting to realize most of these involve Dance Marathon in some capacity. The next picture that makes me wonder how I have friends was taken after Theme Reveal, a party where we wear costumes to announce the theme for the upcoming year. Our theme was "dare to discover" so I dressed as a scuba diver. And then I refused to change when everyone else did because being a scuba diver is cool! If you saw me on Franklin Street that night, you're welcome.

I didn't actually try to drink my Dr. Pepper with lemon through the snorkel. 

But I seriously considered it.

I saved the best for last. Sophomore year I had a root canal. It went horribly wrong. I'm going to let the pictures speak for themselves. 

**NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. YOU CANNOT UNSEE THESE.**

 

You thought I was exaggerating didn't you?

 

I went to class like this. 

Not because I'm an excellent student but because I just don't care.

*I do feel it is important to mention that I was not actually embarrassed by any of these incidents. Momentarily stunned, briefly taken aback at my own ineptitude perhaps but never embarrassed. I believe it to be a wasted emotion. Kind of like all the other emotions.

Leaving Rio

Although I am not yet ready to accept that there will be life after Rio, deep down I know that at the end of this week all the athletes will go home and leave me more deflated than Brazil's economy. In order to ease the transition, I have come up with great post-retirement ideas for some of our favorite athletes even though I hope they never retire. I'm just trying to be a good sport.*

Gabby Douglas - Lipstick Mogul
Kylie's kits may have a choke hold on Calabasas, but Gabby's lips rocked Rio. (That was a really good sentence displaying both Kardashian knowledge and keen alliteration. No one would judge you if you read it again.) With her name recognition and perfect pout, I'm seeing an empire. Video tutorials, lipsticks, lip liners, Snapchat filters, a spread in Vogue, friendship with Taylor Swift. The sky is the limit. (That's also the name of a sky blue lipstick she will release late 2017.)

Michael Phelps - Cupping Spokesperson
He's already done more for this medical phenomenon than the 4 out of 5 doctors who recommend it. When Phelps returns from Rio he can spend plenty of time with his adorable son Boomer and bring home the bacon, eggs, pizzas and burgers needed to fuel the most decorated Olympian of all time by making a few promotional Instagram posts a month.

Aly Raisman & Simone Biles - Celebrity Hair Stylists
These 2 work so well together and after years of practice they are obviously experts at crafting buns that really stick it. If Aly & Simone were creating your top knot you would get to listen in on their banter and know that your updo can withhold a gold-medal-winning routine.

Katie Ledecky - Delivery Specialist
Stay with me here. When Amazon Prime isn't going to cut it and overnight delivery is unavailable, we send out Katie Ledecky. For a pretty penny she will swim your order to you in 60 minutes or less. Not home to sign for your package? No worries. Katie is used to waiting.

Marta Karolyi - Interrogation Specialist
Something about that woman...I just want to please her. I would give up any and all state secrets to have the light of her smile shining on me for the most glorious second of my life. If you can maintain your poker face while Marta glares at you then you've earned your freedom.

Nathan Adrian - Dental Model
To quote Louise Belcher, "he's the reason faces were invented" and his smile makes me wish I had already gotten the jaw surgery I so desperately need. If he ever moves to a country where nice teeth aren't a priority (not naming any names) (Britain) then he could always be an ab model. 

Laurie Hernandez - Reality Television Show
Laurie has so much personality and really didn't get enough screen time in Rio. For her E! series I envision a lot of family, friends and fleekness. Eyeliner/eyebrow vines? Beam for beginners? Fro-yo? Honestly, I would watch her read a magazine or grocery shop.

Leslie Jones - Leslie Jones
No changes necessary. I just want Leslie Jones to continue doing her for the rest of forever. I think we should send her to every international competition or maybe make her an ambassador. As long as her ambassador duties never infringe on the SNL season or her Twitter time. 

Ashton Eaton & Brianne Theisen-Eaton - Daytime Talk Show Hosts
These 2 are adorable and you know it. If their relationship can survive representing 2 different countries at the Olympics, it can survive anything. For this power couple, I'm thinking a Dr. Phil/Fear Factor hybrid. Couples will receive relationship advice after winning intense physical competitions. The working title is Tough Love. 

Kerri Walsh Jennings - Lifestyle Blog
I look at Kerri Walsh Jennings and I just think "Now there is a woman who always remembers to wash her hair. That's a woman who wakes up at 6, does some yoga on the beach, goes for a run and serves her kids an organic, nutritious, homemade breakfast by 8. A woman who somehow, inexplicably, never tracks sand in the house." and I know that she would have amazing advice on everything from dressing with permanent tan lines to building female friendships. 

Madison Kocian - Cirque du Soleil
As Team USA's uneven bars silver medalist, Madison could easily transition to performing with Cirque. As long as the performances leave her with plenty of time to make appearances on Laurie's show, this is a win/win. 

Megan Rapinoe - Soccer Camp Coordinator
Megan Rapinoe is adorable. Her happiness makes me happy. And that's huge considering I typically resent the good fortune of others. Schadenfreude aside, I want Rapinoe, Becky Sauerbrunn, Alex Morgan, Meghan Klingenburg, Carli Lloyd, Christen Press and Tobin Heath to play soccer forever but if they absolutely must retire, I want to be able to follow them around the country in a socially-acceptable manner. And if that means forcing my children into multiple soccer camps then that is a sacrifice I am willing to make. 

Chinese Gymnasts - High Schoolers
After Rio the Chinese women's gymnastics team has a bright future ahead as they begin their high school careers. That is all.

Did you read this post desperately hoping I would offer some much-needed advice on your potential life path? Do you feel jaded that at the moment I only offer career advice to Olympic athletes? Frankly that's a little sad but you can click this link to find your Olympic match based on age, height, weight and gender. My Olympic matches were Brazilian gymnast Flavia Saraiva, Australian swimmer Bronte Campbell and Israeli javelin thrower Marharyta Dorozhon. I'm not privy to the intricacies of how the BBC's Olympic-pairing algorithm works but I think this means that if you add their weights together it would equal mine.


*False. I've already sworn off the nations of Sweden & Brazil after soccer & volleyball defeats.

Winning Rio

I LOVE the Olympics.

I love America, I love sportsball, and once every 2 years (let's not forget the winter sports) two of my favorite pastimes come together - yelling that America is the best and watching us (or should I say US) prove it.

In my 23 years I have built up a ton of street cred as an America enthusiast along with an impressive arsenal of USA gear to compliment my obsession. I have a Team USA sweatsuit (as if I ever sweat), several red, white & blue shirts/tank tops/dresses/hats both with and without sequins, an America pillow pet, red, white & blue Nike dunks, 2 pairs of Ronald Reagan socks, and a USA Otterbox. I have been planning an American-themed wedding on the 4th of July for years! If anyone has any idea on where to find a good deal on a groom, let me know. I got my ears pierced 3 times so I could wear the Team USA colors. I (unfortunately only once) dyed my dog red, white & blue. I can't solve my Rubik's Cube but I can make it look like an American flag. My social media handle is redwhiteandrae, my favorite holiday is the 4th of July (it will really suck if any of you tries to hack me and is asked that as a security question) and I scheduled my summer vacations around the Olympic games. Some would even say that I "ate McDonald's 5 times this weekend" but I prefer to think of it as supporting the 31st Olympiad.

Now that we've established my reputation as an American fanatic and the world's worst pet owner, I want to share some of my Olympic watching experiences and encourage you to follow Team USA as they continue to dominate the games and make America proud.

• I have cried over Jason Brown's Riverdance routine on several occasions. 

• I love the amount of sass that Lilly King brought to the Olympic pool when she defeated an opponent who violated the integrity of the sport.

• I still get ridiculously excited over the red, white & blue manicures/pedicures of Olympians.

• It blessed my heart to watch swimmer Cody Miller get so jazzed about bringing home the bronze, he was way more excited than the guy who won gold. 

• I will never understand how Olympic divers don't hit their heads on the diving boards or platforms.

• I have no idea how it is humanly possible to do what beach volleyball players do considering the undignified amount of effort it takes me to get up from my beach chair and the ensuing struggle to walk to the shoreline,

• I have convinced myself that if I were taller (or good at volleyball) I would be best friends with Foluke Akinradewo.

• I admire all of the athletes who are risking exposure to Zika to represent their countries. Athletes like Hope Solo who are booed merely for expressing concern and taking precautions but continue to play their A game.

• Once every 2 years I become an expert on soccer, gymnastics, swimming, figure skating and skiing jargon. 

• The Final Five's makeup looks better after hours of competing and waiting and kicking butt than my makeup 5 seconds after application.

• I will never forget being in a restaurant when the music stopped and we all cheered together as we watched Michael Phelps take back the gold in the 200m butterfly from Chad le Jerk. (It happened less than 24 hours ago but I feel confident that I will never forget it.)

• The tweets, videos and commentary of Leslie Jones is the cookie on the pizza of the Rio games. (You know, like the icing on the cake. An amazing thing on top of an already wonderful thing.)

• I can't get over the grace and calmness with which Simone Biles performs even as everyone is hailing her as the greatest gymnast the world has ever seen. Meanwhile I get nervous when someone is counting on me to go halfsies on a BOGO deal.

• Sunday I was so proud to watch Katie Ledecky set a new Olympic record in the 400 meter freestyle preliminary like it was no big deal because for her it really isn't.

• I was just as proud a bit later when cyclist Mara Abbott, who had led the last 15 kilometers by a considerable amount, was overcome to finish 4th in the women's road race. She didn't storm off the course or throw her bike at the contestants who medalled as some people I know would have. Me. I'm talking about myself. (JOKING. I could never lift a bike high enough to throw it.) 

•  I have accepted that I will never be capable of looking beautiful and strong and confident while representing my country and my sport at the highest level the way the ladies of the Olympics do.

• I have partially accepted that I will probably never marry an Olympic swimmer but for someone so below average I take it surprisingly personally that no Olympian has asked for my hand yet.

In case I haven't fully articulated my fixation, I invite you on a photo journey.

 

Watching the Olympics with my America pillow pet, Ronald.

 I want to say he's supposed to be a puppy?
Idk, I bought the stars & stripes, not the species.

 

Breaking it down as Uncle Sam.

 

We want YOU to sign up to be a dancer. Because America.  

 

This picture is actually worth 100,000 words.

 

Guess which one I am? 

I also had a gymnast Barbie who came with a matching outfit and uneven bars.

Nothing says gold medal quite like a USA windbreaker.

 

I have red, white and blue cat ears. That's normal.

 

My roommate's cat, Fin, loves to nap on the America blanket my aunt made me.

In my natural habitat. 

If they ever make a doll of me, well that would be really creepy but it would look like this.

 

My dunks, designed with love by Jean-Luc. 

Someone once asked if they were supposed to be Spider-Man-themed. 

They obviously didn't know me very well.

 Me, Chelsea and our pal Freedom. 

He's the USA baseball mascot and his name is really Freedom I didn't even make that up.

 

I dyed Happy with Kool-aid. 

He took one for the team.

Team USA.

But here's the thing - I don't care about the medal count. Well I do because I have a medal counter bookmarked on my laptop and phone and a chalkboard that I update every 2 hours in my living room. But even if we don't win a single medal (spoiler alert, at time of publication we already have 28), I still live in the greatest country on the planet. In an election as heated as 2016's it's easy to get caught up in the things that are broken in our country. The Olympics serve to remind us, and the world, what we do right. Our athletes have the freedom to choose to represent other nations at the games. We welcome competitors from other countries to Team USA. Several foreign Olympains train on US soil. Our citizens can make Ledecky with the good hair memes and get #PhelpsFace trending on an uncensored Internet. America is the freest nation on earth. And there is nothing more golden than that.

CaroWINing

If you're considering a trip to Carowinds in the near future, this post breaks down some of the rides and that may have been a poor choice of words. 

Fury 325

Also known as the world's tallest and fastest gigacoaster. The 5th tallest coaster in the world. I was terrified of this ride but once I realized that the climb up wasn't completely vertical I felt pretty confident. There were a ton of lifts and drops, from the front cars you can't even see the tracks below you, the ride transverses both North and South Carolina and reaches speeds of 95mph. This might be the best roller coaster I've ever been on. We rode it 3 times in a row, really capitalizing on the locker situation since we had to pay $2 to lock up all miscellaneous belongings  for an hour. But the real story here is what happened on our 2nd ride. About halfway through, Brendan pointed out to me that some object was flying by our heads. About 3 seconds later the girl behind us yelled "I caught it!" and was holding an afro pick. That's not a typo. It was an afro pick. That could have gone horribly wrong, I can imagine the metal prongs sinking into my face or ruining my updo. Let me just say, if you knowingly keep an afro pick in your hair on one of the tallest and fastest roller coasters in the world...you're a jerk. I was hoping to find a shirt saying "I rode Fury 325 and all I got was this stupid afro pick." in the ride's gift shop but no such luck.

Plants vs. Zombies
I picked team zombie naturally because I hate vegetables - a type of plant - and from my history with houseplants I thought I would be good at killing them. I wasn't. I am definitely video game deficient due to growing up outside. The only video games I've really played are Jeopardy! for the Wii and NBA 2K which I always lose at because I can't figure out how to pass the ball or play defense. Sure it works when I'm playing as Kobe Bryant but it does not help improve my gaming abilities. I ended up with a score of around 4,000 pity points and team plant won. I ate salad for dinner to feel superior.

Carolina Cyclone
We did NOT ride the Carolina Cyclone after Evan told us that once his harness somehow unfastened and he had to hold it over himself. Despite being part of an elite online community of amusement park enthusiasts, Evan had told no one about the incident so I am making it public knowledge here. I mean I'm sure it's fine now, but I wouldn't let my little brother ride it. Well not my littlest brother. My other brother can ride it who cares.

Dodg'ems

Bumper cars. Not really my thing since I dedicate so much mental space to avoiding hitting other vehicles. I also don't trust the electricity situation. Why are there constantly sparks at the top of the poles connected to the cars? How does exposure to dangerous electrical outputs make this a fun ride? My complaint with this ride was the kids running it. At 23 I feel I am old enough to self-righteously call high schoolers kids. They flirted hardcore. So if you're reading this, lovebirds, he/she is totally into you. Go for it. But maybe not at work because I had to spend 6 minutes listening to you guys batting your eyelashes in front of a dozen empty cars waiting to be bumped. 

Nighthawk
A "flying" coaster, the Nighthawk takes some time to load because riders are strapped into chairs that then recline so you ride on your back and stomach. If you're not used to rides that force your center of gravity to strain against semi-lax restraints forcing you to get a better look at the ground you just know you're about to be hurtling towards then the Nighthawk is probably not for you. A friend who will remain unnamed cried.

Intimidator
A ride based on the legendary Dale Earnhardt, may he rest in peace. Kari noted that from high up on the first hill of this ride, the lesser Carolina looks like a real dump. But to be fair, it looks like a dump from sea level too. I think that the best part of this ride is that thanks to the NASCAR theme, in the loading area riders are told they have 5 seconds to find their seats and that really sped up the whole process. On this ride I noticed that my lap bar never seemed to go down as far as everyone else's. This was either senseless paranoia or the result of a lifetime addiction to bread that has wreaked havoc on my thighs. When I pointed this out to Brendan he assured me I was crazy by saying "the bar must be broken". Wrong move. I urged him to correct that statement. "You need to decide what you want to cater to here. My vanity or my sanity."

Carolina Goldrusher 
A very chill roller coaster - I could have snapchatted the entire ride - the real story here is what happened while we were sitting outside. We noticed an abandoned cell phone was ringing and answered it since Brendan understood it was probably someone looking for the phone. I directed the caller to the roller coaster with specific instructions such as "near a bathroom" and "in front of that bush" and Kari remembered what the people sitting there looked like. She told us to look for a blonde woman but we all heard blind woman so we spent the next 5 minutes scanning the area for a woman with a walking stick or seeing eye dog. Did I mention we're idiots?

Windseeker
The outline of Charlotte looked so tiny from this high swing ride. It's an experience that makes you really appreciate the amusement people must feel when they hear the phrase "biggest city in North Carolina". The woman working this ride definitely had too much power. She got very sassy with my group for walking under the railings. I get that you're supposed to follow the intended path but these rails leading to the ride were ambitiously long. Maybe if I'd been playing Pokemon Go at the time I would have been motivated to walk the extra 10 yards but I came here for rides not Rattatas. This is Carowinds not Disney's Magic Kingdom. 30 feet of waiting area for a swing ride is excessive.

Southern Star
A pirate ship-style ride made entertaining by the woman behind us. The overhead harness almost knocked my breath out and once I recovered I realized that the lap bar was also almost painfully tight. This is not a complaint. I WANT tight harnesses on rides that go upside down. Now the woman behind us, when the ship first started swinging back and forth, seemed comforted, saying "this isn't bad, this is not bad" over an over again to what I hope was herself but may have been a fellow rider. Once the ship got closer and closer to 180 degrees, her slightly scared mantra turned into a screamed "THIS IS BAD! THIS IS BAD!" and did not stop until we were stationary again. I would love to ride every attraction with her but I understood it was only fair to share her commentary with the other attendees. 

A final point of interest - the last time I was at Carowinds the park was mainly in North Carolina. Now it seems more is in South Carolina. I'm no cartographer but it appears we have ceded some territory to the Palmetto state and they got Cinnabon in the process. Just something to think about.