Manu a Manu

Much like many of you, I received some tragic news on Monday that shook me to my very core. My brother texted me an article detailing the retirement of Emanuel David Ginobili, my all-time favorite basketball player.

Needless to say, I didn't take the news well. I saw the text message as I was leaving work. This is why you shouldn't be on your phones during the workday people, I would have seen that and cried in front of my students. Of course I usually manage to do that at least once a semester but crying on the first day would have really scared some kids more than my usual antics do.

So by the time I got the news I was already headed to therapy, a majorly convenient appointment. My therapist and I went over coping mechanisms like watching highlight reels, remembering the good times and hoping to someday soon see him with Chris Andersen in BIG3.

Here's the thing...I have been in love with Manu Ginobili for as long as I can remember, which is probably unhealthy. He is the ONLY celebrity I follow in Instagram & Twitter and I read his posts in English AND Spanish. Because of him, I grew to love the Spurs too, and not just because they match my color scheme. I mean the man plays AGAINST America in the Olympics and I'm still obsessed with him. If you remember 2004, that is a BIG DEAL. No wonder Argentina already retired his number.

I'm not trying to eurostep on any toes here...but Manu Ginobili is the greatest sixth man of all time. Sorry not sorry Jason Terry, John Havlicek, Jamal Crawford & company. That may be part of the reason I was immediately drawn to Ginobili, being a twelfth man myself I could really relate.

The man plucked a bat out of the air. Your fave could never. And those no-look passes? Magical. He played in the NBA for 16 years! That's longer than 15 year olds have been alive. He retired from the highest level of basketball at 41 years old. I'm only 25 and daily life is already too exhausting for my sphere of a body. He has 4 NBA championships. That's one ring for every finger because Manu knows thumb rings are tacky. That's probably why he didn't win a fifth.

My team completely changed this summer and I don't want to blame Kawhi but also...it's all his fault. I mean honestly, what wouldn't I do for a contract worth millions of dollars? That's a short list. No matter how many times my brothers tried to convince me that the Spurs "won the trade" I just wasn't buying it because the Raptors got Danny Green and now he has to live in stupid Canada and that's not fair. I didn't even like him until like 4 years ago. I was always a Spurs fan but I was raised a staunch NC State fan, so I never cheered for the former Tar Heel. Until I realized that he donates part of the proceeds from this shirt to Carolina For The Kids Foundation (aka Dance Marathon). And just when I start to like him, he's gone.

And trust me, I know that Tony Parker isn't blameless in all of this but he moved CLOSER to me, a move that Manu should really consider.

I'm open to starting a Ginobili withdrawal support group if anyone is interested. Until we meet, thank you for everything Manu. And I am not above ordering Manu Ginobili fatheads for every room of my house. And my classroom. It's my aesthetic.

Schooled

This post will be 1 part sappy teacher post and 2 parts complaining. Because you should follow your passion. And mine is complaining.

Let me start by painting you a picture. Years and years ago when I lived in Goldston, the nearest craft store was a Hobby Lobby in Aberdeen. My cousin Kelsey and I would make trips there whenever we got the chance and stock up on markers and paints and pipe cleaners (back before they were chenille stems) and whatever else we needed to make whatever craft we were obsessed with at the time. And despite it being so far away and closed on Sundays we became Hobby Lobby loyalists.

Then I moved to Chapel Hill. The nearest craft store to me was Michaels at Southpoint. I didn't get to go there very often but I got used to a life without Hobby Lobby. Being a college student with no money really helped.

After college when I moved to Raleigh, Michaels stores were rampant. By that time there was a Hobby Lobby in Sanford closer to my hometown but I had moved on. Michael's filled the Hobby Lobby-shaped hole in my heart.

And then I moved to Apex. Michaels was no more. A.C. Moore was now the craft store du jour. I have never been fond of A.C. Moore. There was an A.C. Moore like 4 stores down from the Michaels I frequented in Cary. A.C. Moore? More like A.C. Less, am I right? They always seem so bare compared to Michaels. So sad. I held out for a few months but by Christmas break I broke down. I was crafting all the time, making Christmas gifts and some adorable reindeer ornaments.

And as much as I wanted to stay true to my second love, Michaels, I needed something closer. Driving to Holly Springs twice a day 3 days in a row wasn't the most convenient. A.C. Moore wasn't much, but it was close. Walking distance even if you believe in that sort of thing.

A.C. Moore wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was pretty similar to Michaels. Not quite the same but I could make do. They even had the plastic ornaments I needed. Color me impressed with discount Crayolas and acrylic paints. 

For over 6 months I used A.C. Moore regularly. Michaels was and still is my favorite but I stopped going out of my way to find a Michaels when I could easily drive a mile to A.C. Moore. No need to be a diva about it, right? But I recently ran into an issue with A.C. Moore that I do not think can be remedied with some special patterned duct tape or store brand permanent glue.

Before I explain the events of last night, allow me to share part of the reason I frequent craft stores. Most teachers I know spend a good amount of money out of pocket for their classrooms. I am fortunate enough to work in a county and in a school where I don't have to, but I still want to.

I am luckily not required to buy my own pens and paper, my school has enough of the basic supplies to go around, the PTA is generous with grants and my church collects school supplies free for anyone to take. I'm very thankful that every time I have purchased something for my classroom it has been optional.

But I still spend quite a bit each semester. Because my kids are worth it. Because when they make a poster on colorful cardstock instead of printer paper or even construction paper, they're really proud of their work because it looks so professional. When they see that I have provided them with every shade of marker they can think of, some of them will take the time to organize them by color because they know I love that. When they can use the multicultural colored pencils I ordered online, they can actually draw themselves. When they walk into my class on October 1st and Halloween decorations are everywhere they know that I really care about making my classroom a fun environment. When we have candy for no reason they know that I am a glutton, but a generous one. My high schoolers still smile when they get a sticker on their paper or a Jolly Rancher with their homework.

So I go to Michaels and A.C. Moore and Walmart and Target and I try to stretch my money and turn it into erasers inside their desks so they can quickly get over a mistake. Or Starburst for a Monday when they need some excitement. Or posters and canvases to fill the walls with color. Or cardstock and markers and scissors so they have the tools to do their best work and be creative. Or rulers and Wite-Out so my perfectionists can do and then redo. 

And I don't regret any of the money I have spent on my students. But making that money stretch is made harder by stores like A.C. Moore whose business plan revolves around placing a large portion of the inventory on sale to avoid honoring coupons. I understand how sales work and I don't expect to be able to use a 50% off coupon on top of a 40% off deal. But when most of the store is on sale or otherwise excluded from coupon use, you have to wonder...what's the point of handing out coupons? 

I went to A.C. Moore last night to get a poster frame for a large poster that I planned to hang up in my classroom. I had a 50% off coupon and I was relieved I could just go to A.C. Moore instead of driving across town to Walmart. Picture frames and poster frames and document frames and probably bifocal frames too were on sale. Buy one get one free. I was buying one, therefore it rang up full price. And I was told I could not use my coupon, which ironically enough, would have equalled 1 frame at 50% off. I could get 2 for the price of 1 or none. Those were my options. 

And, being Missy's daughter, I did not buy that poster frame. Because that is ridiculous. I'm not trying to star on season 6 of Extreme Couponing. I'm not trying to be the next Joanne the Scammer. I'm just a teacher. Trying to make her classroom a nice place where kids want to be. And trying to use coupons that I was awarded for spending so much money at this very store.

So I drove 10 minutes to Walmart and got a poster frame there. Because my kids deserve it. They deserve that effort from me and they deserve to have something besides 4 white walls and my beautiful face to stare at. But I will also talk to them about A.C. Moore and pricing and business strategies and customer experience and public relations. 

Because I'm a MARKETING TEACHER suckas! This is part of my curriculum now. I will be happy to sell my brand loyalty - should A.C. Moore meet a list of demands - for 50% off.

Food Hacks

I am convinced that people get married and have kids just to have more cereal options. When I'm at my parents' house, I open the kitchen cabinets to Raisin Bran and Special K and Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Cheerios and more Special K. Is this how the other half lives? They used to even have 2 types of milk! Skim for my dad and 2% for the normal humans. Now it's all skim and I feel very targeted by that.

But eventually I have to go back to my house where there is usually one of two cereals in the pantry. Either Cocoa Krispies or Special K Red Berries. Maybe both if it's Christmas or my birthday. I can't afford to have 2 boxes of cereal at once! I'm not the queen of England.

Face it. Until you get married, college is the last time you will have access to a variety of cereal options. The dining hall is a magical place for that reason. And the cookies. But once they hand you that diploma (or you stop purchasing a meal plan) you can kiss Froot Loops and Trix and Apple Jacks goodbye. You're an adult now. So what's it going to be, Mini Wheats or Corn Flakes, pick one.

Think about it. Why are so many people lactose intolerant all of a sudden. We’re literally evolving past relationships. I have seen so many girls rush into marriage just so they can remember the scrape of Captain Crunch against the roof of their mouth. Serial daters? More like cereal daters. They need the security blanket of a relationship to be able to afford both the responsible grown up option like Honey Bunches of Oats and the Fruity Pebbles that they really want.

So I'm here to help. Today I'm talking food hacks, ways to save money on fine dining. If you consider Taco Bell fine dining that is. Just remember, nothing tastes as good as Taco Bell costs.


Fast Food

• 2 words. Kids' meals. If you're at a drive-through they will let you get a kids' meal. AND you get a toy. Christmas shopping for your little cousins? Done. And that's not even being cheap. Kids love Happy Meal toys. It's like their religion. And McDonald's is the biggest distributor of toys worldwide for a reason.

• Speaking of McDonald's...if you get a Happy Meal with a large drink they won't charge you for the drink upgrade. It will be $3.25. I have tried this at multiple locations with no issue, in the name of research of course.

• At McAlister's I get a kids' sandwich and it's still plenty of food for less than $4. The trick is to get it on a hoagie. If you get it on normal bread they will give you one triangle of sandwich. If you get it on a hoagie you get a sandwich that's practically as big as their regular sandwiches.

• At Chick-fil-A you can turn your kids' meal toy in for an ice cream cone.

• I find that when I get Chinese food it's almost always too much so I do the Panda Express kids' meal and...it comes with a cookie.

• At Bojangles' the kids' supremes meal is just 2 supremes instead of 4. You still get a biscuit and the same amount of fries. It comes with a small drink but a Bojangles' small is still a good size.

• Check the drink options before ordering a combo if you're brand loyal when it comes to sodas. I only drink Dr. Pepper so if a restaurant doesn't have it I will not be getting a combo.

• At Zaxby's I will get an extra piece of bread instead of cole slaw. The 4 chicken tenders combo is easily 2 meals. Maybe get some fried white cheddar bites too for good measure.

• My best fast food hack is to invest in an air fryer. It makes leftovers (especially fries) so crispy without having to wait for the oven.

Rich People Food

• At sit down dining establishments kids' meals are still an option but you will face a lower success rate. I will still ask because A) I have no shame and B) it's perfect for when you're not that hungry but want something that does not reheat well. If you do succeed in getting a kids' meal it is highly likely they will be petty and still charge you for your drink.

• The restaurants that are like in between fast food and...slow food? whatever it's called are usually pretty generous with kids' meals too. I always get kids tacos at Chipotle. It comes with some chips. That's a steal.

• You can normally skip a salad or soup for an extra side, which can really come in handy if you are trying to make 2 meals out of 1.

Rewards Programs

• Find a restaurant rewards program that is actually worth it. Let me tell you, Subway coupons suck. They're a joke. Subway will literally text me a coupon for 50 cents off. Subway got mad expensive recently, I am going to need at least $2.00 off if you want me to drive to a Subway and get out of the car, actually go in the restaurant and order. Come on now.

• I also find GrubHub to be a joke. I have gotten emails from them like 5 different times welcoming me to GrubHub and giving me a coupon code to use on my first purchase. Then when I try to use the code it says I can only use it on my first purchase. So they're dead to me just like Shari's Berries.

• Domino's actually has a good customer rewards program, if you get food delivered enough you can earn free pizzas!

Deals

• Carrabba's has an Amore Mondays menu that lets you pick soup/salad, appetizer/dessert and entree for $12.99, $15.99 or $18.99. And free bread. Always go where the free bread is.

• Several fast food places have happy hour specials or something similar. Sonic has like 5 happy hours with half priced something at each one. Arby's has happy hour from 2:00 - 5:00 PM with a dollar menu. 

• I went to a Hooters recently with half priced appetizers after 10:00 PM. I don't know if that's every location but it was a great deal. I went with a friend and we got buffalo chicken dip, pretzels & cheese, cheese sticks and cheeseburger sliders. That was way too many appetizers for 2 people but what can I say, dairy is important. 

• I will also get a kids' meal at theme parks, especially Disney. It's cheaper and often they have healthy options beyond salads. I'm all about fried food but theme park food can really bloat you and then what if the roller coaster safety bar doesn't secure over your protruding stomach? Let's err on the side of caution here.

Body Neutrality

It's summer. The time for short shorts, sundresses and bathing suits. Or in my case, athletic shorts, athletic shorts and athletic shorts.

Here is actual footage of me trying on a bathing suit.

Since the only thing I really do on this blog is chronicle the things my mother says and give advice on things I know nothing about...let's talk body positivity. First of all...are women even allowed to like their bodies? Last I heard, we weren’t. My therapist and I discussed this and we think that the government is allowing a few women at a time to like themselves. Like every year 5 social security numbers get pulled and those women are allowed to love their bodies.

I'm still waiting for my turn. I hate my arms. I don't know if it will ever be possible for me live in a world where I don't hate my arms no matter how many push ups and fist pumps I do. And the entire fashion industry is conspiring against me. Women's fashion for at least the last 5 years has been one big game of hide the sleeves. Even in the winter you see sleeveless sweater dresses. Where are all these women going wearing sleeveless wool? A shooting sleeve convention?

That brings me to another point. I like for my clothing to be at least somewhat practical.  Which is why I never buy those gauzy see-through summer tops because why would I pay full price for a shirt that I am going to have to wear a tank top under? It is summer, I am not trying to layer, this ain't Tokyo. I also want my bathing suits to be practical. Swimming in the ocean with thirty different strings is not practical. It is an accident waiting to happen.

Look at how carefree these women are! Their smiles seem to say "I haven't had a wardrobe malfunction in a fortnight!"

Speaking of wardrobe malfunctions...people often think they’re being helpful by telling me to pull my skirt or dress down in the back. So for the record, let me assure you...it is pulled down. That's what it looks like pulled down. I am not trying to dress inappropriately, my body is just different than yours.

You know those high-low dresses, or mullet dresses?

Here's what that would look like on me.

I can't help it anymore than I can help having big feet and a widow's peak. I promise you I go to great lengths to make sure that my hem lines are also going to great lengths. My butt, unfortunately, just doesn't care. And telling me to pull my dress down doesn't help. I cannot magically shrink my butt no matter what Jillian Michaels would have you believe.

So I'm not quite ready for body positivity, that seems like a stretch. But I will attempt body neutrality.

Here's what's so bizarre to me...a lot of times people try to encourage me by saying that even the people who I think have perfect bodies have things they don't like about themselves. That in no way makes me feel better. That's like telling a homeless person "Even Bill Gates worries about money." How is telling me that even if I lost a million pounds and had a professional makeup artist I would still feel bad about myself supposed to make me feel better?

Some days body positivity just ain't gonna happen. So I'll attempt face positivity, which normally involves expensive makeup. I had my makeup done for a wedding in this picture. The angle of the picture makes it look kind of like I have achondroplasia and am one step closer to meeting the stars of one of my favorite series, all the Little Women shows on Lifetime.

I have also had my hair professionally done a few times and once by Blakeley whose method is simply "use every bow you have." She also employs the unusual technique of ripping both bow AND hair from the head to remove the decorations instead of carefully removing the bow by unclasping it. But I guess you get what you pay for.

On a normal day, I don't have access to makeup or hair help. And it shows. I see some girls walking around NC in August with perfect makeup. HOW? You guys saw my makeup tutorial. You know I have no idea what I'm doing. I have been lucky enough to get my makeup done professionally before by the fabulous Courtney Goines, but when I try to replicate that myself things always go wrong. Especially in the summer. Like do y'all just not sweat? I work up a sweat just trying to apply all my coats of mascara without sneezing before it dries. And applying winged eyeliner is impossible without the help of black magic.

Sometimes I truly like myself best with no makeup.


Other times I need my face baked within an inch of it's life to even feel like being seen in public.


Sometimes even that's not enough, I need makeup AND Snapchat filters. God bless those Snapchat filters.

And then, oddly, there are times when I feel like I look really weird with makeup and wish I hadn't bothered in the first place. Like this picture. Who is this girl? Why are her lips the same color as her face? Is Trump her makeup artist?

So. How do you love yourself? How do you stay positive about your body and face? I honestly have yet to unlock the secret to self acceptance but I do have some ideas.

1) Focus on what YOU feel good in, not what everyone else says looks good. Sometimes my well-meaning friends talk me into buying clothes that they think I look good in but if I don't feel good in it, that will show in my posture and the pictures! Pictures are forever. Thanks Zuckerberg. Sure you can untag yourself but you can't unsee yourself looking like a blob fish in a bridesmaid dress.

2) Take pictures of yourself when you're looking your best. Be shameless! If a filter makes you feel better, use a filter! Use 5 filters!

3) Don't be afraid to post a selfie and get some positive feedback. You deserve it! If you feel self-conscious about it start with a Snapchat story. Then Twitter or Facebook until you're ready for the social media spotlight that is Instagram.

4) If you have the time/money/will to change something, go for it. Dye your hair. Go to the gym. Get contacts. Brush your teeth. Okay everyone should probably brush their teeth but maybe try a whitening toothpaste?

5) Remember angles. Experiment to find your best side because taking a picture from the right angle or in the right lighting can be the difference between this

and this.

7) Find your selfie face. I have a very distinct selfie face. And everyone makes fun of it. But I don't care. And if that fails, you can always take selfies with sunglasses when you don't feel like doing eye makeup.

My selfie face. I find that looking to the side helps, I feel awkward making eye contact with the camera usually.

Hopefully this post will help you look at yourself the way my little cousins look at Colby.

Mamma Mia

First things first - we need to discuss Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again. 

WARNING! SPOILERS! I'M NOT YELLING I'M SINGING!

I saw it in theaters Friday and again on Monday. I am still. not. done. ugly crying. The first tears came during previews. If you aren't moved by this Welcome to Marwen trailer, you're definitely not a Rosie. After that I managed to keep it together until Meryl was on screen. But I was a mess during Super Trouper. A sobbing mess.

Okay...I saw approximately 3 millions tweets about how awesome MMHWGA was and NONE of y'all cared to take one Swedish second to tell me that Donna was dead? That is fake. I was not prepared for that in the first 2 minutes of a sequel I have waited a decade for.

I saw the movie with my cousin Kelsey since we have been obsessed with Mamma Mia! for...ever. We saw it at DPAC on my birthday last year, my first HitClip was Dancing Queen and I wore flare jeans like nobody's business back in the '90s. Partially because they really were hand-me-downs from when that was the style but also because I have always been pure disco.

Thanks to Hamilton I have managed to get my youngest brother interested in musicals so he came with us to see MMHWGA and it wasn't even begrudgingly.

Some of you might think that seeing this twice in theaters within 72 hours is a bit much...and you're wrong.

While fangirling over the best musical I have seen this summer (sorry Wicked), I discovered that there is a prominemt ABBA cover band called Bjorn Again. And I promptly died. Now I'm a ghost. Ghost blogger.

Now, slightly less importantly, as many of you probably don't know because I am great at secret-keeping, my cousin Brittany is with child. A child that she refuses to name Bjorn because she loves ruining my life. 

And she's annoyingly skinny so she didn't really show until like the middle of the 2nd trimester. I was seriously afraid that when people heard that my aunt's niece was pregnant someone was going to say "You know, I thought Rachel looked pregnant." I offered some of my everyday clothes for Brittany to wear as maternity clothes

Since the news went public, a big part of my time has been occupied cyberbullying my family members. Like the soon-to-be grandmother, my Aunt Julia, because her entire immediate family's handwriting is atrocious.

I also couldn't pass up this opportunity when my aunt shared this image on Facebook to announce the news to her followers.

Once everyone who bothers to check Facebook knew, we moved on to thinking about gender reveals. My idea was simple.

1. The sonographer tells you the gender.

2. Call me.

3. Tell me the gender.

4. I literally don't care what happens after this.

Kelsey came across the BRILLIANT idea online to do a zodiac reveal party which I think would be so fun (especially if the baby was going to be a capricorn and we could release a live goat to run through the party) but the due date is on the cusp so I wouldn't want to miscalculate the baby's zodiac sign, that is going to be a real nail biter. An avocado reveal would have been equally amazing.

And of course, as aunts, Kelsey and I have offered to go above and beyond to care for this child. The child she won't name Benny. Or Agnetha, though I admit that was a reach.

Even selflessly volunteering to care for one of the babies if Brittany had twins. The 3 of us grew up together and we're really close. I'm '70s disco (duh), Kelsey is '80s pop and Brittany is '90s rock. We used to get matching Christmas presents from our grandparents every year - purses, socks, wallets and eventually tasers. I got blue, Kelsey got pink and Brittany got purple. Except the tasers...those are all black.

We also considered moving so we can all raise the baby together, it's like Brittany is Donna Sheridan and Kelsey and I are both Tanya. 

We're still looking for our Kalokairi.

But I think we're most helpful when it comes to name suggestions. Like when Brittany and her mom were really feeling Declan. And as a loyal Degrassi fan, I agreed. My aim was true. 

Or when I suggested naming the baby after a musical's leading man. Or the founder of scientology.

Since Brittany vetoed names from Broadway, Kelsey suggested we go more mainstream and name him after our favorite song.

Honestly Kelsey and I have had a TON of wonderful name suggestions.


Brittany is a tough crowd though and nothing really stuck. Until...

I'm so glad that's settled. A good Hebrew name. And a good Gungan name. Although I hear my Uncle Jeff, the baby's grandfather has been speaking to it exclusively in an English accent because he wants the baby to be born British. So maybe they'll actually name him Elton John.

Kelsey and I will probably sing I've Been Waiting For You at the baby shower. Complete with dance moves and bell bottoms. We will probably also sing Waterloo because we almost always do at family gatherings.

So we're currently in search of a Chick-fil-A located INSIDE a Six Flags to just kind of camp out at until the baby comes if anyone wants to help. I am not above going full Where the Heart Is with this baby for freebies. But I would really prefer a Target birth to Walmart.

Congratulations Brittany and Justin. I can't wait to steal this, and every subsequent baby.