The Types in a Pandemic

 

Parenting with the Pros

Today's blogpost is a conversation on parenting with resident expert, Missy Daniel. Who could be more qualified to give parenting advice than my mom? She has a 67% success rate with raising kids. And like my dad would always say when we got home from church and realized we left Colby AGAIN...2 out of 3 ain't bad.

What made you want to be a parent?

M: "I just always grew up wanting to have kids. I think I had a good childhood so I wanted to give that to my kids."

And what made you decide that Dad was the one to have kids with?

M: "He scored higher on the SAT than I did. Well he says he did. I've never seen the paper."

Do you have any regrets about becoming a parent? Because you like to talk about rewatching all the shows you missed when we were little.

M: "No because now we're at the point where my children help me with technology and remembering passwords."

I'm pretty sure Dad's passwords are always Colby.

M: "No, he thinks more of himself than of Colby."

What makes me your favorite child?

M: "I get to go shopping with you. And you're funny too, we usually laugh at the same jokes."

Well yes, because I make those jokes. And they're hilarious. What do you like about Patrick? Anything?

M: "I like when we talk about the Bible and history. I like that he will stay up late and talk to me."

So me and Colby are your heathen children?

M: "No, but y'all talk more about pop culture."

Was there anything your parents did that you wanted to do differently?

M: "Yeah, my parents didn't get a lot of time off work to go on vacations. So I wanted to be able to go to the beach for a week with y'all."

Is it too late to mention that Grandma is going to read this?

M: "Edit that then. I basically raised y'all the same way that my parents raised me. I think they did a good job. At least with me, I don't know what happened to Dana."

Looking back, is there anything you wish you had done differently?

M: "I should have made y'all apologize and hug and kiss each other."

Ew, why?

M: "So y'all would love each other more."

I think we love each other. But why were you so big on alone time for us when we were little? Or was that just for me because you needed a break?

M: "That was so you would learn to be independent and creative enough to occupy yourselves and not be bored if you didn't have someone telling you what to do. Why would you not want to be yourself?"

You're such a loser. Did leaving us alone ever backfire?

M: "Yes, when you decided to do your own hair with gel but you used Vicks VapoRub and started crying when it heated up."

Did you pay more attention to me after that?

M: "No, I just moved the VapoRub."

What 3 pieces of advice would you give parents today?

M: "Kids need to hear 'no' - kids need to not sleep in their parents' beds - and they need to have some choices but not all choices. They need to learn how to make decisions but within reason."

Well. There you have it folks. You're welcome.

We Stan Truth in Sentencing

TRIGGER WARNING - sex crimes

One of my favorite things in the world is shirtless Christopher Meloni. And one of the best places to find shirtless Christopher Meloni is Law & Order: SVU. I have of course seen every episode multiple times and I recently started listening to SVU recap podcast, That's Messed Up. I still think that Especially Heinous would have been a better name, but it's a great podcast. 

Throughout this post please enjoy photos of two cat brothers that I lovingly helped name Munch and Finn after two of my favorite dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies. 

The most recent episode of That's Messed Up featured the final episode of season 1 - Slaves. In the episode, Andrew McCarthy plays a guy who keeps a Romanian immigrant as a nanny/sex slave.

But don't worry...it gets worse. This episode is based on a true story. The abduction, imprisonment and torture of Colleen Stan.

I'm not going to go into much detail for obvious reasons, but allow me to introduce you to one of the (many) reasons I support the death penalty. Cameron Hooker.

In 1977 23-year-old Cameron Hooker, with his wife and baby in the car, picked up 20-year-old hitchhiker Colleen Stan. Please keep all comments about the dangers of hitchhiking to yourself. It's 2021. We literally pay strangers to drive us places. Instead of victim blaming let's criminal blame and criminal incarcerate for life (at least). 

Over the next 7 years, Cameron and Janice Hooker kept Colleen in a wooden box under their bed for roughly 23 hours a day, letting her out only for torture. Colleen was finally able to escape and testify in Hooker's 1985 trial, where he was found guilty and sentenced to 104 years in prison.

That sounds almost like justice, right? Wrong. Hooker should not be eligible for another parole hearing until 2030. But. California hopes to reduce prison populations due to COVID-19. So now Hooker could be looking at another parole hearing in March 2021. That's next month.

No. Hell no. I find even the slightest possibility of parole unacceptable for this sadistic piece of shit. I don't normally curse on this blog but I said what I said. Or I typed what I typed. He's been in prison for 35 years. And that's not nearly long enough.

You can sign an online petition to stop his release here.

You can also call, email, or send letters urging the parole board and Governor Gavin Newsom to keep Hooker in prison. The following is contact information supplied by That's Messed Up in their show notes:

Cameron Hooker

CDCR#: D18324

Board of Parole Hearings

Post Office Box 4036

Sacramento, CA   95812-4036

phone: (916) 445-4072

CDCR Office of Survivor Rights and Services victimservices@cdcr.ca.gov

Governor Gavin Newsom

1303 10th Street, Suite 1173

Sacramento, CA   95814

phone: (916) 445-2841

parole@gov.ca.gov

https://govapps.gov.ca.gov/gov40mail/

Sample letter/email:

I urge you to deny Cameron Hooker parole. Not only does his victim Colleen Stan deserve to feel safe, but sadistic criminals like Hooker remain a threat to women everywhere if they are given freedom. We cannot afford to take chances with an individual who has shown the propensity to commit the horrendous crimes Hooker was convicted of. Do not let this man out of jail. Not now. Not ever.

Words with Pervs

My mom has 1010, my dad has 2048, my brother has Pokemon Go, and I have Words With Friends. We're all addicted to something on our phones. For some people it's Instagram likes, others cherish their Snapchat streaks. There are those who collect Facebook friends and those who get a stream of sweet messages from their loved ones. And then there is me...I compete against strangers online who are just as desperate to prove their intelligence as I am.

And in between the ads and the ads (there really are a ridiculous amount of ads), there are messages. There are the messages you expect, like middle aged men trying to hit on you.

What I love about this exchange is that Frank here thinks the issue is that he's older than my father. And it's not ideal, sure, but also you live in Ohio Frank. What is this, The Bachelorette for literacy advocates? I'm not going to be like those guys in middle school who claim their girlfriends are models in Canada. You're not fooling anyone and the best you can hope for it one day appearing on an episode of Catfish or that new show Ghosted which I am SHOCKED I have not been asked to appear on...yet.

But there are also messages you don't expect. Like everyone trying to make Google Hangouts happen.

I don't fully get it but I know it's a scam. And I stand by what I said. Hangouts is for conversing with coworkers. Not beginning an unnecessary and likely exploitative relationship with a stranger from western Europe.

I don't know what they do with your gmail address, but I do know that I get a lot of spammy emails that allege to be from PayPal and that back in December I apparently treated someone in Texas to $50 worth of Panda Express.

It's not all bad. I did play against Shannon Doherty one time.

So remember to practice stranger danger on the internet, don't give anyone you don't work with your gmail, and qi is a word. Who knew?