A.C. No More

It will come as no surprise to most of you that it has been a tough week for your favorite blogger. Thanksgiving took a hard hit when I discovered that I have an infected cuticle. I hope you didn't have a mouthful of baked goods you're supposed to be saving for tomorrow when you read that. It's gross, I know. And it will prevent me from making my signature gingerbread cookies and baking any other dish that requires hand mixing. Like sausage balls, one of my favorite Thanksgiving staples. And my mother doesn't even seem to care.

But of course it's not bad enough that my favorite appendages is failing me. I also got some bad news. A.C. Moore - my craft store, my friend - is closing. I appreciate all of the texts and phone calls during this difficult time. If you're familiar with this blog, you might know that I have a long and complex history with craft stores. Growing up in Small Town, USA Hobby Lobby was all I knew. In my early twenties I had a mild flirtation with Michael's, everyone experiments in college right? But in recent years I have really settled into A.C. Moore. You see A.C. Moore is much more affordable than Michael's. And it's a lot more open on Sundays than Hobby Lobby is. It's also practically walking distance from my house. Like I could totally bike there if it was all downhill and there were at least 3 water/rest stations along the way.Since it was so close, I familiarized myself with the coupons. Some weeks I went 3 or 4 times. They had the felt I needed for my fledgling coaster company. Picture frames for my classroom. All the holiday decorations I could ever need. Ribbon for the wreaths that admittedly fell short of my expectations in terms of sales but who amongst us couldn't use a little more ribbon?Who was there for me this summer when I got back into scrapbooking? A.C. Moore was. After every checkout it wasn't goodbye, it was see you later. As in I literally told the cashiers "see you later."I suppose I should have known they were in trouble when the cute Teeny Tys checkout display turned into a desperate bid to unload some allegedly fun dice game. It's 2019. Kids don't play with dice. They play with Instagram filters.Even though I should have seen it coming I was shocked to wake up Monday to the news. What is there to be thankful for now? The only bright spot for me (other than my family and friends and makeup) has been the possibility that they will turn my A.C. Moore into a Michael's.I feel like we really have a chance. To my knowledge, A.C. Moore is the only craft store in Apex. The nearest Michael's locations are in Holly Springs and Durham. The nearest Hobby Lobby is in Cary. Even my Walmart is like 10 miles away, don't even get me started on that Neighborhood Market crap. What am I going to do? As wonderful as Target is, their craft supplies are seriously lacking.So this holiday season, along with searching the internet for deals, I will be skimming the headlines for good news. Please respect my privacy at this time.

School of Rock

I feel like teachers are being encouraged to go on field trips and while the idea of being responsible for like 50 teenagers in a foreign location sounds terrifying, I'm open to the idea.

But I don't want this to be a normal marketing field trip. What am I gonna do? Take the kids to a local business office? Show them a hotel? A restaurant? No thanks. As usual, I have a better idea.

Welcome to the Rachel Daniel School of Rock. Where students will learn marketing concepts through...what else?... a series of Broadway musicals.

I've prepared my pitch and I am not sure how my boss can say no to this.

Onto The Stage

After years of having my talents overlooked in favor of students (and quite frankly amateurs) and being hidden away backstage as to not upstage anyone, I have finally made my way onto the stage! Or at least my voice has. 

Tomorrow through Saturday I will be playing the voice of the Giant in my school's fall musical, Into the Woods. It is a role made famous by Dame Judi Dench, Glenn Close, Frances de la Tour and now, moi! Technically I am still not on stage...but my dad always said I had a face for radio so I think this is a win-win.

This week of rehearsals has been rough. I'm at work for like 12 hours straight and wondering why I signed up for this in the first place. It's probably because I saw the song "Children Will Listen" and got hopeful. My students? Listening to me? That's the dream! 

There are no small parts, only small actresses playing giants offstage because in real life they lack the stature and size to be a giant, more like a fairy TBH.

I'm in the playbill and everything!

As a method actress, I started getting into character immediately. I asked my boss for 2 weeks paid vacation time to go to Texas. Everything's bigger in Texas right? He declined. I guess he has so much faith in me based on past performances that he knew I didn't need any additional preparation.

If only I had that same faith in myself. I still wanted to do something - anything - to feel more like a giant out for revenge after some average sized humans killed her husband. I binge watched the latest season of Little Women: LA to get used to saying average sized instead of other descriptors that are actually offensive when you think about it, like "normal". 

And then I created a vision board so that the costume and props department could procure everything I needed for my latest debut.

Naturally I was going to need refreshments in my trailer. Nothing fancy. A new Chick-fil-A nugget tray each night. ONLY Polynesian & honey roasted barbecue dipping sauces. So help me if I see a Zesty Buffalo I will FLIP. I can't work like that.

I would need a red carpet look as well and a bedazzled microphone. How else would I be able to tell it apart from the others? Ultimately I just had to make my own. If it's worth doing...it's worth DOING.

Despite being told that a costume for me wasn't in the budget for no reason other than that I am not seen by the audience at all, I requested a robe. It just seemed like what a giant would wear. It's gotta be hard to shop for your body at 18 feet tall. An open-front robe was really my only idea save for a wrap dress but if a mere two thousand Swarovski crystals weren't in the budget then I highly doubt Diane von Furstenberg was an option.

In some ways it was easy for me to get into the mindset of an angry giant. I don't want to ruin the surprise, but 2 of my lines are "I'm waiting" and "I'm still waiting" which really come naturally to me as a teacher. But other parts of my performance would be harder for me to relate to.

For instance...how could I play a WIFE? That's why I requested an engagement ring fit for a giantess. This was the only prop I hoped to keep from the set. And I would of course need a fresh manicure to go with. It was actually perfect timing because as much as I love babies...

...my dad might love babies more. Recently I told him that he has baby fever but he claims that it is grandbaby fever...which is apparently my responsibility? But I informed him that I have engagement ring fever.

So here's hoping for me (and my dad) that an engagement ring shows up by opening night. For the play, of course.

BIBLE TL; DR Daniel

The King of Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar, takes over Jerusalem. Ancient people were colonizing and pillaging long before the British made it "cool". He wants all of the best Israelites to be sent to Babylon - it was like a charter school. Daniel and his 3 friends are chosen. The king really likes Daniel & friends even though they rock the boat at first by refusing to eat the royal food and wine. Vegans are so annoying.

Nebuchadnezzar renames all of them because he doesn't want to be the only one with a dumb name. Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah become Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and Daniel draws the short straw and is renamed Belteshazzar. I will refer to them by their Hebrew names because I'm not paid by character. I'm not really paid at all.

Nebuchadnezzar has a dream about a statue and none of his usual suspects can interpret it. He is real pressed by this even though it doesn't even seem like an interesting dream. Daniel is able to interpret it and Nebuchadnezzar is all about some God for awhile, even though Daniel didn't give him the Joel Osteen interpretation but like, the Great Awakening version.

Even though this was in present-day Iraq you can tell that Nebuchadnezzar wasn't using any opium because his next dream is just about a tree. Boring. Daniel continues to interpret the dreams and impress everyone but he predicts that the dreams mean some bad things for Babylon. And then the 1st season of Doomsday Preppers was filmed.

Later, Nebuchadnezzar has a golden statue that Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah refuse to bow down to. He’s like “do it for the Vine guys” and they’re like “we ain’t gone do it” and so he throws them into a furnace but God protects them and they stay safe. Nebuchadnezzar sees them in the fire, j chillin and he's like - if you can't burn 'em, join 'em. After this Daniel & company get some sweet promotions. It's like they're all at the top of Abby Lee Miller's dance pyramid.

But of course, all good things must come to an end. The Persians overthrow Nebuchadnezzar and Darius becomes the king. It was kind of like Game of Thrones back in the OT. Darius is smitten with Daniel too and makes him, like, co-captain of the varsity cheer squad.

So now everyone is player hating on Daniel and they want to get him fired but they have no idea how and this was before passive aggressive Post-it notes were invented so they are really in a pickle. All the snakes trick the king into making prayer illegal. Daniel continues to pray to God and King Darius is forced to throw him into the lion’s den because I guess lethal injection wasn’t invented yet.

But the lions are suddenly very concerned about fitting into their dresses for winter formal and don't eat Daniel. King Darius is happy to see that God protected Daniel from the lions and he decided to throw all of the guys who plotted against Daniel to the lions for good measure. All of a sudden the lions were feeling very peckish so they chowed down. Bone app the teeth.

DIM: Do It Myself

The craft fair was a success! I didn't even have to turn it into a kissing booth although I was mighty tempted for one customer.

I would consider it a victory...I can't retire with my earnings but I had A LOT more fun than last year and spent A LOT less money on my inventory.

The make-your-own-bracelet station was adorable and I learned that I am a lot better at making bracelets than making earrings. One boy made a bracelet for his grandma...my heart! I had a lot of hufflepuff participation so thanks puffs!

Wreaths were once again not a big seller but I reallllly wanted to get rid of them so I introduced a special $5 wreath with any purchase deal to move a few. At one point I was yelling "wreaths, 3 for a dollar!" but I still ended up bringing some home so if you need a wreath...I know a guy.

The surprise bestseller was my North Carolina coasters! The Harry Potter, Game of Thrones and Friends coasters sold well too but those NC designs were such a hit! I'm already designing my winter line.

But while you're waiting for that release, I have a behind the scenes look for you. Here is a how to video on the paper beads that kept me busy all summer! Try to limit your inhales while you work and keep in mind this is HIGHLY addictive.

 

Fandom Finds

This weekend I will be participating in the Pittsboro Street Fair yet again. Back by popular demand. Demands of my roommate that I get rid of all the craft crap in the living room, that is. I switched up my approach this year. I didn't spend all summer preparing wreaths and paintings and ornaments. But don't worry! I still have SEVERAL left over from last year.

Halloween wreaths, fall wreaths, Christmas wreaths, sports wreaths and more! Going for unbelievably low please-don't-make-me-take-this-all-back-to-my-third-floor-apartment prices.


We got reindeer ornaments...


...and unicornaments.


And of course I still have plenty of paintings ready to customize with whatever quotes you want unless you want me to print something obscene like "Tom Brady rocks" because free speech only goes so far. Call me China. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 


But my main focus this year is...COASTERS! I have a ton of North Carolina coasters because I don't know much about the psychographics of my craft fair attendants. What are they into? No idea. Where do they live? North Carolina.








Is chevron still a thing? I hope so. I haven't blatantly ripped off any NCAA licensed logos but I do have a series of chevron North Carolinas in red, yellow, light blue and even dark blue.

And I have some Rachel Daniel originals that represent J. Cole's state as well. I designed that pink one with little icons to represent important NC landmarks and industries (tobacco and American Idol trophies not included).

We also have a lovely Game of Thrones collection designed by yours truly. Like from scratch. 20-year-old Rachel who was struggling in her graphic design class would be so impressed. Honestly screenshots changed the game for me.

In my Halloween collection you will see some quotes from the baddest witch in town...not me but Fiona Goode.

Last but also least expensive, we have make your own bracelets! With paper beads that I did spend all summer and the greater part of Labor Day weekend making. I am addicted. My roommate thinks I am getting high off the glue I use to make them but that remains unconfirmed. I have Harry Potter beads, some made of actual book pages, and Harry Potter charms.

I have every color you and A.C. Moore could possibly think of.

And I have strings and wires and ribbons so you can make your own bracelet or necklace or keychain or whatever else you want. Please buy these so I can stop making them. The mod podge ruins my nail polish and then I end up chewing my nails and cuticles and it's really ruining my whole vibe.

Saturday. October 26th. 10AM-4PM. Downtown Pittsboro. Be there or be warmer than me probably.

Co-Parenting

It's unsolicited advice corner with Rachel Daniel! My friend Jessica was asking for children's book recommendations for her daughter Vada. As I recommended some classics from my childhood (Coraline, Lord of the Flies, Misery and The Little Mermaid - the original) I realized...I am GREAT at parenting advice! So why not share the wealth? This week I am giving you some of my top notch parenting tips from literature to fashion to travel. Think of me as your co-parent. You're welcome.

The Pout-Pout Fish is a children's book where this fish is just like a major bummer until another fish kisses him and then he's like flexin on everyone. Not a very good message to send our children. BUTTTTTT Goosebumps on the other hand...there's a Goosebumps book for every situation! Does your kid keep begging to go to some expensive summer camp? Have them read Welcome to Camp Nightmare! Are they asking you every day when they can get a dog? Time to check out The Barking Ghost. Is your child for some reason obsessed with collecting garden ornaments? Maybe they should read Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes.

Here's some good news about being a parent - instead of paying $99 for your DNA results AND another $99 for your partner's, you can just use the kid. It's like a BOGO honestly. An added bonus is that it becomes that much harder for the government to pin a crime on you. They only have half your DNA. Suckers. However, I would not recommend this if you have any paternity drama.

Baby crap is expensive. Why blow 50 bucks on a baby beach tent that will be rendered useless in a few years when you could spend way more than that to get a cooler you can use forever? Will your kid always fit in a 4ft x 4ft tent? No. Will they always want cold beverages? Yes. Cut out the middle man and put that baby right in the empty cooler.

Parents need snacks. Sometimes they don't have time for meals at all and have to rely on snack after snack to keep going. Instead of shelling out dozens on protein bars and granola and let's be real...fast food, try puffs! Mama's happy, baby's happy. Puffs are a snack you can share with your kid and 60 of those guys equals 25 calories. We're gonna lose that baby weight together!

Do you think coffins are ridiculously expensive? Because I do. Especially baby coffins. Save money by purchasing vaccines instead.

Gender neutral baby clothing is slowly but surely infiltrating the predominately pink and blue infant textiles market. I don't think that companies are trying to reinforce traditional gender roles but I do think they're trying to reinforce their own pockets by making parents of both genders to re-buy clothes and toys and supplies with their second child. A friend of mine kept the gender of their baby secret until AFTER the baby shower so they wouldn't get only pink/blue items and still didn't do that annoying nonsense of keeping the gender/name secret.

Babies are smarter than they used to be. Toy phones don't really work anymore. The second your baby realizes that the bright green rectangle you just handed them is a toy and not the iPhone 11, they're over it. So give them an old droid instead. Of course if your baby is already an influencer this won't work but taste doesn't develop until 5 months so I bought you some time.

My dad always said that counting to 3 is a terrible tactic if your kid is running in the parking lot. I agree. So instead of counting I recommend a stricter technique. Or literally any technique that won't turn your kid into roadkill. Supernanny fan? Try a naughty spot. Anglophobe? A good old fashioned time out will work too. Is your kid old enough (or cool enough) to have friends other than you? Ground them. And you know...there's always spankings.

Do you really want to watch your child wait for a lightbulb to cook a baked good? And do you want to spend $30 on that lightbulb? I didn't think so. Brownie and cake mixes are like a dollar each. Teach your kid to use the regular oven as soon as possible. And even more importantly, teach them to turn it OFF when they are done. We're still working with Colby on that.

Let's just face it. If your kid is into Frozen, they are going to be asking for every Elsa and Anna tchotchke they see...which will be a lot. So introduce them to some older, obscure G-rated titles like The Thief and the Cobbler and you will NEVER have to worry about a Target meltdown because NO ONE is making The Thief and the Cobbler toys. Aladdin owns that market.

I think we've all seen onesies with some cringey sayings on them. I particularly hate the ones that say "heartbreaker" and stuff like that. Why would you want your child to break hearts? How about we hope for our children to go up to be respectful men who treat women as equals? What's more punk rock than that?

Ring Around the Rosie is rumored to be about a plague-associated rash. Luckily, we are not currently facing a plague pandemic so I would recommend switching to a more realistic disease. This day and age, Miss Me With Those Measles is much more au cuorant than a children's song about buboes. 

Honestly this isn't just for kids, I want one of these too. Instead of spending your hard-earned cash on some trendy suitcase that your kid will outgrow next month, get a scooter suitcase! Fads come and go but I promise your child will never outgrow avoiding physical activity. Luggage is expensive so these are around 100 bucks, but that LOL suitcase on the left is probably 1,000 by my estimation. That LOL crap is so expensive! Blakeley asked for some LOL disco winter palace thing for Christmas that is over $200. And I really did LOL at that.